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Tears of Steel
frametopage.com/examples#tears-of-steel
processed · 12:14 · 7 speakers
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FADE IN:
CAPTAIN (V.O.)
We have main engine start, four, three,
CAPTAIN (V.O.)
Two, one.
EXT. ROCKET LAUNCH FACILITY - DAY
A cluster of massive rocket engine bells towers into the haze.
The engines IGNITE in a blinding column of flame.
Pillars of fire ROAR down from the engine cluster.
The rocket climbs on a single pillar of flame above the industrial skyline.
EXT. CANAL BRIDGE - DAY
CELIA
You're a jerk, Tom.
THOM
Look, Celia, we have to follow our passions. You have your robotics, and I just want to be awesome in space.
CELIA
Why don't you just admit that you're freaked out by my robot hand?
THOM
I'm not freaked out, but it's...
CELIA holds her mechanical right hand up at THOM on the bridge over the canal.
THOM (CONT'D)
All right, fine. I'm freaked out. I'm having nightmares that I'm being chased by these giant robotic claws.
CELIA
Oh, whatever, Tom. We're done.
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY
Holographic wireframe figures — one orange, one blue — re-enact the bridge argument above a bank of machinery.
The wireframe pair turn on each other in jerky playback.
A glowing holographic interface blooms with playback controls.
A hand rides a fader on a console layered in holographic readouts; a timer counts down.
TECH HEAD
Robot's memory synced and locked.
TECH HEAD, curly-haired, squinting through cracked glasses, hunches over the console among white-suited technicians.
Technicians work the decks as holograms flicker over the room.
A human brain sits wired on a plate, holographic rings orbiting it.
The CAPTAIN leans over the brain, studying it through the multi-lens implant covering his right eye.
CAPTAIN
This is pretty freaky.
TITLE CARD: "TEARS OF STEEL"
EXT. RUINED AMSTERDAM - DAY
A colossal machine crouches over the rooftops beside a church tower, smoke drifting across the skyline.
INT. BELL TOWER - DAY
Between the great bells, a sniper nest overlooks the machine.
OLD THOM dozes beneath a newspaper.
INSERT - THE NEWSPAPER: "ROBOTICIST CREATES KILLER ROBOTS"
Through a rifle scope: a flying machine hovers over the rooftops.
BARLEY peers through the scope of a heavy sniper rifle.
Old thom lies among candles and sandbags while barley keeps watch behind him.
OLD THOM
Shouldn't you be down there?
OLD THOM
I heard you guys talking last night.
Old thom pushes himself upright.
OLD THOM (CONT'D)
It's not my fault you know.
Barley keeps his eye to the scope.
Barley sips from a small juice carton, eyes still on the machine.
INT. RUINED CHURCH - DAY
Old thom lowers himself on a rope in front of the towering organ pipes.
The rope coils on the stone floor at his boots.
INT. RESISTANCE HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
Old thom steps into the lamplit parlor; DJENGHIS, a young soldier with a radio pack, turns to him.
He crosses the overgrown ruin that opens into the cluttered room.
CAPTAIN
Are you ready? Of course you're ready. You're a rock star.
The captain comes up behind old thom and grips his shoulders.
INTERCUT - PHONE CALL
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
(INTO PHONE)
How's it looking, Barley?
In the bell tower, barley sights the machine through his scope.
BARLEY
We should have about 10 minutes.
CAPTAIN
Well, that's perfect. We're only one. All systems go. Yeah, you, go. Go.
The captain lowers the phone; old thom and djenghis wait.
A technician throws switches on a console crawling with holograms.
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
Move your asses. Go, go, go. I love it. Go.
High above, the machine's ringed lights BLAZE to life.
An orange scan sweeps across the apparatus.
The technicians race at their stations.
The captain throws his arms wide.
A dome of holographic light blossoms around him.
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
That's nice. Nothing to worry about. Tom!
In the projection, the giant robot towers on the canal bridge.
The captain steadies himself, arms out, old thom and djenghis at his shoulders.
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
Tom, there she is. Now, you love her.
CAPTAIN
She's your passion. Be tender to her.
The three stand before the shimmering projection, the captain's arm around old thom.
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
Be honest.
CAPTAIN
Be tender.
CAPTAIN
Remind her what love is.
The captain pats old thom's back.
EXT. CANAL BRIDGE - DAY
Paper scraps drift over the canal railings.
An orange wireframe flickers at the bridgehead.
THOM
Oh.
The wireframe solidifies into thom — young again, bandaged hand, lion-crested jacket.
Thom walks the bridge, taking in the quiet street.
He stops — the giant robot looms at the end of the bridge, cables trailing.
The machine's optic cluster swings toward him.
INT. RESISTANCE HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
The captain settles behind his desk like a director, red pointer in hand; djenghis stands guard.
CAPTAIN
And...
CAPTAIN
Action!
INT. CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
TECH HEAD
Memory override in progress!
CELIA
You're a jerk, Tom!
On the projection, the giant robot's optics ignite, burning white.
THOM
Oh, I'm sorry! Sorry.
The Tech Head winces at the feedback.
THOM (CONT'D)
Sorry.
A blue holographic scan ripples over the robot's face.
EXT. CANAL BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS
Celia's avatar stands before thom, solid as flesh.
SUPER: "LOOK CELIA, WE HAVE TO FOLLOW OUR PASSIONS"
THOM
Look, Celia. We have to follow our passions.
Celia watches him, unmoved.
THOM (CONT'D)
You have your robotics.
THOM
And I just want to be awesome in space.
EXT. RUINED AMSTERDAM - DUSK
The sun sinks behind the spires and the watching machine.
INT. BELL TOWER - DAY
Scope view: gabled rooftops drift past the crosshairs.
CAPTAIN (V.O.)
Get her coming. Two minutes left. Two minutes.
Barley adjusts his aim.
INT. RESISTANCE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
The captain's implant projects red digits across his eye.
The readout counts down.
EXT. CANAL BRIDGE - DAY
CELIA
Why don't you just admit that you're freaked out by my robot hand?
Celia raises the robot hand toward thom's face.
SUPER: "CELIA, I LOVE YOUR ROBOT HAND"
The mechanical fingers hover an inch from thom's cheek.
THOM
Listen, Celia. I was young. And a dick. But there's no reason to destroy the world.
Celia's eyes hold on him.
TECH HEAD
Why does she do this?
INT. CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
CAPTAIN
We already tried that one.
INSERT - THE BLACKBOARD: "INTERPRETIVE DANCE — Juggling = promising — CANDID UNDERSTATEMENT — CHOCOLATE — 'HELLO' — a rose, 2 roses, a dozen roses — WE HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY..."
TECH HEAD
Abort! No! No!
On the projection, the robot hand cups thom's jaw.
CELIA
You broke my heart.
THOM
I know.
The Tech Head gapes at his readings.
INSERT - CONSOLE PANELS: "ERROR!!!"
On the projection, celia rages at thom, the robot hand cradling his face.
CELIA
You forgot me on Earth.
THOM
I know.
CELIA
I should just crush you!
THOM
I'm... I'm sorry.
CAPTAIN
Go to ad-lib.
The captain and djenghis listen.
SUPER: "CELIA, I LOVE YOUR ROBOT HAND"
The captain slumps.
On the projection, tears well in celia's eyes.
The projection TEARS in a wash of blue static.
The Tech Head fights the console, jaw clenched.
TECH HEAD
It's not my fault!
TECH HEAD (CONT'D)
This time.
The Tech Head sags, exhausted.
CAPTAIN
We're out of time, we're out of time!
The captain seizes a control stick, implant whirring.
INT. BELL TOWER - DAY
Barley is hurled backward off his perch.
He lands flat on his back, staring up.
Robots swarm up the tower's carillon.
INT. MACHINE ROOM - DAY
Technicians in white suits uncrate mechanical control rigs.
A blond technician straps into a white articulated armature.
The crew snap their rigs into place.
The blond technician stares his rig down, eye to optic.
INT. RUINED CHURCH - DAY
Four crew members kneel on the church floor, rigs raised like puppeteers.
The giant robots rear up in answer.
A robot foot CRASHES down.
The blond technician throws his arm; the machine mirrors him.
The robots surge through the nave.
The four operators drive the machines onward.
INT. BELL TOWER - DAY
Barley scrambles up from the floor.
He hacks at a rope.
He leaps, rope in hand.
He swings out over the church as a giant robot smashes through the organ loft.
The organ collapses in an avalanche of pipes.
Barley swings through the exploding nave.
Barley HOWLS, riding the rope through the debris.
INT. CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
TECH HEAD
90%, Captain, we have to abort!
In the parlor, djenghis seizes the captain's arm.
EXT. CANAL BRIDGE - DAY
Thom looks up as the giant robot sags, cables slackening.
Thom watches the machine power down.
THOM
The world's changed, Celia.
INT. RUINED CHURCH - DAY
One by one the robots slump and die among the rusted pipes.
The great machine's ring-lights fade to black.
Old thom stands before the fallen robot's head.
OLD THOM
Maybe we can too.
TECH HEAD (V.O.)
Memory override complete!
SUPER: "MEMORY OVERWRITE 099.89%"
Old thom lays his hands on the robot's faceplate.
He eases the plate open.
INT. RESISTANCE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
The captain kneads his hands, implant glowing red.
OLD THOM (V.O.)
You know... There's a lesson to be learned from this.
The captain sinks into his desk chair; djenghis keeps watch by the door.
THOM (V.O.)
Twitter gamers.
The mirror SHATTERS as the dead machine sags against the ruin outside.
Outside, old thom embraces the robot's battered head.
TITLE CARD: "Director of Photography — JORIS KERBOSCH N.S.C."
TITLE CARD: "Music and Sound — JORAM LETWORY"
TITLE CARD: "Cast — Old Thom DEREK DE LINT, Barley SERGIO HASSELBAINK, Captain ROGIER SCHIPPERS, Thom VANJA RUKAVINA, Celia DENISE REBERGEN, Djenghis JODY BHE, Tech head CHRIS HALEY"
TITLE CARD: "DVD PRE-SALE SPONSORS..."
TITLE CARD: "This film has been realised with the support from Blender Foundation, Netherlands Film Fund, European Regional Development Fund of the European Committee... Produced by Blender Institute. Licensed as Creative Commons Attribution 3.0"
EXT. ROBOT GRAVEYARD - DAY
A mountain of dead robots rusts in the sunlight.
Barley sits atop the heap, rifle across his knees, sipping his juice carton, at peace.
FADE OUT.
(CC) Blender Foundation | mango.blender.org
CC0 / public-domain dedication
Sita Sings the Blues
frametopage.com/examples#sita-sings-the-blues
processed · 81:31 · 16 speakers
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EXT. OCEAN - DAY
FADE IN:
SUPER: "a Funded by You production"
A goddess-like figure emerges from the water.
She has four arms, holding various objects, and is adorned with jewelry.
She stands on a lotus flower.
A gramophone with a peacock-shaped horn rises from the water next to her.
SINGER
(singing)
song and love my sweet man i love him so though it's mean as can be
SINGER
(singing)
A woman like me
SUPER: "a film by Nina Paley"
SUPER: "writing Nina Paley"
SUPER: "voices Annette Hanshaw"
SUPER: "based on The Ramayana of Valmiki"
A figure of a dancing god appears.
Multiple faces of a bearded god appear.
A blue-skinned god reclines on a serpent, with a goddess beside him and another god on a lotus flower.
A sun god in a chariot with horses flies across the screen.
A moon god on a crescent moon appears.
An anatomical heart appears, then transforms into a jeweled heart.
A book with a heart on the cover appears.
The bearded god on the lotus flower is shown with rays emanating from him.
A planet with rings and a smaller planet orbit in space.
A goddess figure is outlined around the Earth.
SUPER: "SAN FRANCISCO"
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
A MAN and a WOMAN are asleep in bed. A CAT sleeps on the floor.
The cat wakes up and stretches.
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
The cat walks into the kitchen and looks at its empty food bowl.
The cat MEOWS loudly.
The cat jumps on the woman's head, waking her up.
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
The woman walks into the kitchen, still groggy, and pours food into the cat's bowl.
The man is still asleep. The woman returns to bed.
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO STREET - DAY
A man pushes a stroller up a steep street.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
A man sits on the floor with a laptop, and a woman reads a newspaper on the couch. The cat is nearby.
MAN
Rick wants to hire me. He's at a new studio.
MAN
Where is it?
MAN
India.
EXT. SPACE - DAY
WOMAN
When?
WOMAN
I don't remember what year. There's no year. How do you know there's a year for that?
Clocks and an hourglass float in space with a silhouette of a dancing figure. SUPER: "India A Long Time Ago"
MAN 2
I think they say the 14th century.
WOMAN
The 14th century was recently.
MAN 2
No, but I don't know.
WOMAN
That's when the Mughals are ruling. Babur was in
MAN 2
India.
SUPER: "India 11th Century"
WOMAN
It's definitely BC.
MAN 3
It's BC for sure. And I think it's Ayodhya. And Sri Lanka. I know that because they raised that term.
SUPER: "India B.C."
A bulldozer is shown next to a mosque.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
They said that Ram was born there. Which I don't
WOMAN
believe, but that's what they say. And Ayodhya is in the state of Uttar Pradesh. It's right there. Therefore, the story has to be true.
A map of India is shown with a shadow puppet figure.
MAN 3
It's probably based on as real as event as the Bible is based on.
A Holy Bible is shown with figures holding swords.
WOMAN
You want to know the whole story?
WOMAN (CONT'D)
Oh, because Ram's father had four wives.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to a god with a beard.
MAN 3
Three wives.
Three female figures are shown.
WOMAN
Three wives? Four sons. Four sons, three wives. Okay, I know the names of the sons, by the way.
Four male figures are shown, one blue-skinned.
MAN 2
Kaushalya.
WOMAN
That was the wife. That's
MAN 2
what
WOMAN
I meant.
MAN 3
Kaushalya, Sumitra, and Kaike.
MAN 3
And Kaushalya's son was Ram. Sumitra's son was Lakshman. Kekeri's son was Bharat. So impressed.
A male figure and a female figure are shown. SUPER: "Sumitra Laxman"
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
And Shatriban, I think, was Lakshman's brother, which means he had to be
Two male figures are shown. SUPER: "Shatrughan Laxman"
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
Sumitra's son. Sita was Ram's wife.
A blue-skinned male figure and a female figure in a pink dress are shown. SUPER: "Sita Rama"
WOMAN
Right. And Sita, I know also,
WOMAN
Sita's father was Janak.
MAN 3
Sita has many names. Sita has only been one of
WOMAN
them. Yeah. Janaki. Janaki
MAN 3
also. Janaki also. And Vahisht...
Shadow puppet figures are shown around the female figure. SUPER: "Sita Janaki"
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
I saw a play.
WOMAN
Vahidahi. I saw a play called Vahidahi, right? Which I learned was another name for Sita.
Shadow puppet figures are shown around the female figure. SUPER: "Sita Janaki Vaidehi"
MAN 3
Rama was about to be crowned by Dashrath as the king, and Keke went to him
A female figure points at a bearded god and a blue-skinned god.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
because she had done something really good. I think she had taken care of him when he was really sick or something like that. And so at that point, he had said to her that you have one boon. Anything you ask of me, I will do. And so she went and asked him to send Rama away for 14 years, thinking that was a long enough time that if you go away for 14 years, you're pretty much out of sight, out of mind.
The female figure is shown on top of the bearded god.
The female figure points at the bearded god.
The female figure points at the bearded god and the blue-skinned god.
EXT. AYODHYA - DAY
A stylized painting of a city. SUPER: "Ayodhya A Long Time Ago, B.C."
A KING places a crown on RAMA's head, who is bowing.
MAN
Rama, my son,
MAN
today I wish to crown you king of Ayodhya, but my evil scheming wife Kaikai
A WOMAN with a mischievous smile is shown.
MAN (CONT'D)
just reminded me of an ancient vow I made. To honor this vow, instead of crowning you king, I must banish you to the forest for 14 years.
Two women stand on either side of the king and Rama.
MAN (CONT'D)
Goodbye, dear boy.
MAN
You are noble and good, the embodiment of righteousness, a brave warrior prince, joy of heaven and earth, the ideal man.
MAN
May the gods be with you.
WOMAN 2 (O.S.)
Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
MAN 3
That's what she asked for, and Dashat was heartbroken.
MAN 3
But
MAN 3
given that all Indian men are true to their word, he had to. He had to do that.
The bearded god holds his head in his hands, surrounded by shadow puppet figures.
WOMAN
And didn't
MAN 3
he
WOMAN
die? Didn't he
The bearded god lies on the ground with X's over his eyes.
MAN 3
die? No, I don't think.
MAN 2
He died eventually. No,
WOMAN
but all those... I don't think he died eventually. Ramleelas I've seen when I was a kid. He died already? There's this big scene, very dramatic. He's having a heart attack when his son is going away. I should assume he's dying then. I don't think he's
The bearded god is shown with multiple heads.
MAN 3
unwell. I do think something happens where he goes... Yeah, that's true. And he also has a huge issue, right? He's like ravaged by guilt because Ram was a good son.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.)
And
A blue-skinned god is shown.
MAN 3
Ram, when he was told to go away, actually said he would. He didn't create any problems. He didn't kind of say, why? He just kind of said, if that is your wish, father,
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to a god with an elephant head.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
I shall go. And he went. And Sita said, if you go, I go.
Rama and SITA are shown together.
RAMA
No, Sita. The forest is beset by Rakshasa demons. They harass our wise men and desecrate their ritual fires. I must fight them
A purple demon with horns and fangs is shown.
The demon is shown next to a wise man by a fire.
RAMA (CONT'D)
alone.
Rama and Sita are shown together.
SITA
But Rama, a woman's place is next to her husband. I will accept any hardship. I cannot live without you. I cannot live without you.
Sita is shown with her hands pressed together.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.)
I cannot live without you.
The gramophone with the peacock horn is shown on a serpent.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I
SINGER
(singing)
cannot live without you.
INT. PALACE - DAY
Rama and Sita are seated in a palace, looking sad.
SINGER
(singing)
I hate to think what might have been if we had never met Why should I suppose that this could be
SINGER
(singing)
The weary days, the lonely nights are easy to forget Since I am here and you are here with me Here we are
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Rama and Sita walk through a forest.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.)
You and I
SINGER
(singing)
Let the world
SINGER
(singing)
Hurry by
SINGER
(singing)
Even while I waited Somehow, dear, I knew You would find me
SINGER
(singing)
I'd find you
SINGER
(singing)
Here we
SINGER
(singing)
are,
SINGER
(singing)
alone together What matters whether we wondered for And though we haven't got a bank full We can still be thankful That here, that here we are
Rama carries Sita through a flowery landscape.
Rama and Sita stand in the forest.
The forest is shown with a blue sky and clouds.
Pink bat-like creatures with large eyes fly in the sky.
Two wise men sit by a fire in the forest.
Purple, one-eyed demons with fangs appear, along with the pink bat-like creatures.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
Here we are, you and
Rama holds a bow and arrow, with Sita behind him.
Rama shoots arrows at the demons, who fall down with X's over their eyes.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
I Let the world just hurry by Even while I waited somehow here I knew
Sita watches as Rama continues to fight the demons.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
You'd find me and
A demon is hit by an arrow and breaks apart.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
I'd find you
Sita holds a heart, and Rama catches her as she falls.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
Here we are, alone together What matters whether we wander far And though we haven't got a thankful We can still be thankful But here we
Rama and Sita are surrounded by demons and wise men.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
are
Rama shoots arrows, and the demons fall. The wise men look on.
EXT. AIRPORT - DAY
WOMAN
I'll miss you.
An airport with many cars and planes in the sky.
A crowd of people, with a man and a woman in the center.
MAN
It's only a six-month contract. I'll be back before you know it.
The man walks away, leaving the woman alone in the crowd.
EXT. INDIA - DAY
MAN 2 (V.O.)
Ravana was the evil king of Lanka.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to RAVANA, who has multiple heads and arms holding weapons, on a map of India.
MAN 2 (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And he just stole Sita.
MAN 3
He was an incredibly learned man. From what I understand, Ravana was... Actually, the only bad thing he seems to have done is capture Sita, like kidnap Sita, which is kind of interesting because everything else about him seems to be like he's this really learned guy. He knows all these weapons. He plays to the right gods, I guess. So all this stuff, and he's like this good king.
Ravana wears a graduation cap and gown in a library.
Ravana is surrounded by flames, with Sita in his arms.
Ravana is back in the library.
Ravana is shown with a god with a trident.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
Except that over time, we've been led to believe more and more that he's this complete, like he's like Mogambo.
Ravana is depicted as a demon with red wings and fangs.
WOMAN
That's true. He lived on an island
MAN 3
also. He lived on
WOMAN
an island.
MAN 3
Yeah. It was
MAN 2
a devoted Shiva.
MAN 2
Shiva Bhakta. And he plays
Ravana plays musical instruments, with the god with the trident nearby.
MAN 3
Veena
MAN 2
with his intestines, I think, for Shiva. With
WOMAN
his intestines? Yeah. For
Ravana is shown with his internal organs visible.
MAN 2
Shiva. Yeah, there's this whole thing about how devoted a fan he was. And he's asking Lord Shiva for, for some wish and you know he is basically playing vena with his intestines so
Ravana's intestines are shown in detail.
MAN 2 (CONT'D)
it's hard
MAN 3
to fail someone other than battle because at this point what is pain to a man who plays the vena on his intestines nothing much
A shadow puppet figure is shown on a map, next to Ravana.
WOMAN
what I'm really impressed is you know that he was a king of Sri Lanka who was not he was a king of Lanka huge it was Lanka
A map of Sri Lanka is shown.
MAN 2
well some people would it's
WOMAN
called Ceylon it's the same country I think well the point is that's what we think They build a bridge. The
A satellite image of Sri Lanka is shown.
MAN 2
bridge still exists, so NASA images say.
A map shows "Rama's Bridge" connecting India and Sri Lanka.
MAN 3
Really? Yeah, NASA. It
WOMAN
must be true then. They started when they were on the moon.
An astronaut is shown on the moon with a shadow puppet figure.
WOMAN (CONT'D)
Isn't that Surupnakha story? Surupnakha, right?
A demon-like goddess with a long nose and fangs sits on the moon, with shadow puppet figures around her.
MAN 2
Surupnakha. Surupnakha.
A shadow puppet figure is shown. SUPER: "Surupnakha Suroopnakha Surphnakha Shurpanakha Surpanakha"
WOMAN
I'm messing up her name. God, they're going to be asking me. Surupnakha is the one with the really
DEMON
ugly
WOMAN
nose. Surupnakha, but she was Ravana's sister.
The demon-like goddess sits in a palace with Ravana and a shadow puppet figure.
DEMON
Ravana, Rama has slaughtered your Rakshas in the forest. You must take revenge.
The demon-like goddess is shown close up.
MAN
Don't do
A male demon with horns and fangs is shown.
HANUMAN
it, master.
MAN
Rama is powerful. Sister, do not bother me with your petty concerns.
Ravana is shown close up.
DEMON
Dear brother Ravana, have you seen Rama's wife Sita?
NARRATOR (V.O.)
She is the most beautiful woman in the world. Her skin is fair like the lotus blossom. Her eyes are like lotus boots. Her hands are like, um,
A beautiful goddess is shown.
The goddess's eyes are replaced with lotus flowers.
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
lotuses. Her breasts like big, round, firm, juicy lotuses.
The goddess holds lotus flowers and has lotus flowers on her breasts.
Ravana, the beautiful goddess, and the demon-like goddess are shown in the palace.
DEMON
Make Sita your wife, Ravana. Steal her from Rama.
The male demon is shown close up.
MAN
Don't do it, master. I'll hear no arguments from you, Maricha. You must help me at once. Transform yourself into a beautiful golden deer to distract Rama. While Sita is unguarded, I'll grab her.
The male demon and Ravana are shown in the palace.
Ravana is shown close up.
A golden deer appears in the palace.
MAN (CONT'D)
Sita will be mine. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ravana, the golden deer, the beautiful goddess, and the demon-like goddess are shown in the palace.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.)
ha.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
The golden deer runs through the forest.
SITA
what a beautiful golden deer
Rama and Sita are outside their hut, and Sita points at the golden deer.
SITA (CONT'D)
oh rama won't you capture it for me
RAMA
i don't know sita it could be a trick
SITA
oh rama please
RAMA
all right sita you ask for so little and give me so much but promise you won't leave the hut while i'm gone the forest is dangerous
Sita looks at Rama, who is looking at the deer.
SITA
i promise oh rama i love you i
RAMA
love you sita
Rama chases the golden deer, leaving Sita by the hut.
Ravana, with multiple heads, emerges from behind a bush near the hut.
The golden deer runs by a river.
Rama aims his bow at the deer, with Sita visible in the hut window.
Sita is alone in the hut, looking out the window.
SINGER
(singing)
Love was blind to me Now it's kind to me Love has opened my eyes Since it came to me Life's a game to me With the sweetest surprise I never knew how good it was to be
A butterfly flies to Sita at the window.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
A slave to one who means the world to me. I love that man from the start and way down deep in his
Sita holds the butterfly and looks at a framed picture of Rama.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.)
heart.
SINGER
(singing)
I know he loves me. Heaven knows why And when he tells me he can't live without me What wouldn't I do for that man
Ravana's face is superimposed over the scene with Sita and the butterfly.
Sita looks at the butterfly and the picture of Rama.
Butterflies fly over a river.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
He's not an angel or saint And what's the odds if he ain't With all his faults I know he'll get by I'll be so true to him He'll never doubt me What wouldn't I do for that man? For when he let me lean my weary head on his shoulder I close my eyes right there and wish I never drove
Sita looks out the window at the butterflies.
Ravana's multiple faces are shown with a menacing smile.
Sita looks surprised.
Sita smiles.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
older I'll never leave him alone I'll make his troubles my own I love that man as nobody can. I'm just no good when his arms are above me. What wouldn't I do for that man?
Sita holds the picture of Rama.
Sita looks at the picture of Rama, then closes her eyes and smiles.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
Oh, what wouldn't I do for that man?
Sita holds her hands to her chest, looking at the butterflies and the picture of Rama.
Ravana carries Sita away in the forest.
Ravana carries Sita in a chariot pulled by horses, flying through the air.
SINGER (CONT'D)
(singing)
I'll never leave him alone. I'll make his troubles my own. I love that man better than I do myself. I'm just no good when his arms are about me. What wouldn't I do for that man? Oh, there's not a thing I wouldn't do for my man.
Sita cries as Ravana carries her away.
The chariot flies over the ocean at sunset.
The chariot flies over the ocean at night.
Ravana carries Sita through the clouds.
WOMAN
But you know what Sita does then? How she actually is able to tell these people where she drops her jewelry along the way, right? Right. And that's how they were able to find it. It went all the way up to Lanka.
Jewelry falls onto a map of the ocean.
MAN 2
How many times did she drop the jewelry? She was wearing a lot of
WOMAN
jewelry in the forest. She lost jewelry.
A goddess figure is adorned with jewelry.
MAN 2
I mean, no. Remember, she's not wearing any jewelry because she left everything before she left Ayodhya and she came. She
A shadow puppet figure is shown with a woman's face behind it.
WOMAN
left everything. Yeah, she did. Right.
MAN 2
She just came in her sanyasi clothes.
WOMAN
Don't challenge these stories.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Rama stands alone in the forest.
RAMA
I told her not to leave the hut. Oh, how will I ever find her?
RAMA
Sitar! Sita!
RAMA
Oh, Sita, what has become of you?
SUPER: "Hanuman"
MAN 3
Actually, the origins of Hanuman
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to HANUMAN.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
all these demons were attacking the earth and supposedly all the gods everyone went to vishnu and said that please help us please help us so vishnu said that he was going to be born on earth as ram but he was born as krishna also this is very confusing that's that's of that 10 10 incarnations so uh the 10th one of us is the last one not come yet supposedly um so anyway he said that what we'll do is shiva will be born
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to a monkey-like figure and a leopard-like figure.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to a god with multiple arms and a king.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
as someone who helps me. So Shiva was actually Hanuman's incarnation of Shiva. Oh, I didn't know that.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to a god in a circle.
MAN 2
I didn't know that either.
MAN 3
And so Hanuman was actually born with a sole purpose of eventually meeting up with Ram and helping him. That was the reason for his birth.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to a god with a trident.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to Rama and Hanuman.
A shadow puppet figure is shown next to Rama and Hanuman, with a sunburst behind them.
Rama is shown dancing in the forest.
HANUMAN
I will help you.
HANUMAN
Who are you?
Hanuman appears, flexing his muscles.
HANUMAN (CONT'D)
I am Hanuman, the Monkia warrior, son of the wind.
RAMA
I am Rama, prince of Ayodhya. Let us be allies. I shall be your servant forever.
Rama and Hanuman stand together in the forest.
RAMA (CONT'D)
Now go, find Sita.
Hanuman runs off.
Hanuman runs over the ocean.
A palace is shown.
The woman is in bed, looking at her phone. The cat is asleep.
The woman reaches for the phone.
MAN
Hello? It's me. Dave! Where are you? Trivandrum, silly. At home.
INT. TROPICAL ROOM - DAY
The man is on the phone in a tropical room.
WOMAN
You have a home phone? Of course. You've been gone a month and you never emailed me your phone number.
MAN
I didn't? Well, I have some good news. They've extended my contract another year.
The woman is on the phone in bed, looking upset.
WOMAN
What? Another year? You said you'd be back in six months.
INT. TROPICAL ROOM - DAY
MAN
But I like you here.
WOMAN
What about me?
The cat licks itself.
WOMAN
What about Lexi?
WOMAN (CONT'D)
What about our apartment?
INT. TROPICAL ROOM - DAY
MAN
What
WOMAN
about
MAN
us?
INT. TROPICAL ROOM - DAY
MAN
Don't cry, Nina.
SITA (V.O.) (V.O.)
I love you.
MAN
You could come here.
The woman is crying on the phone.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Sita is shown with her hands cupped, looking sad.
WOMAN
She sits under a tree and she weeps and thinks of Ram
Rama comforts Sita.
WOMAN (CONT'D)
and prays to Ram. And all these evil people, you know, all these movies and all these shows we've seen and all these evil people come and sort of scare her and she prays to Ram. But I think the thing is that,
Sita covers her eyes as demons approach.
MAN 3
but, no, but the thing is that those, the women, whatever the women demon whatever was supposed to protect her are amazed by her devotion to Ram and so Ravan also comes in and says what can Ram do for you blah blah blah that I can't that I can't but she's still Ram will come here and you still have one last chance because once he comes here you
Sita is surrounded by demons, with Rama in a glowing circle.
Demons with swords are shown close up.
Sita is on the ground, surrounded by demons, with Rama in a glowing circle.
Ravana is shown close up.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
know your ass is grass
Ravana holds an axe and a sword, looking at Sita.
MAN
I love you Sita you must be my wife
Ravana and Sita are in a garden, with demons in the background.
SITA
never I love only Rama
Ravana stands over Sita, who is seated under a tree.
SITA (CONT'D)
I am the chaste and virtuous wife of another man.
SITA
I belong to Rama as the rays belong to the sun.
SITA
Give me back to Rama or you shall soon hear his mighty bow that resounds like Indra's thunderbolt.
MAN
The more a man speaks sweetly to a woman, the more she insults him.
MAN
You have two months to decide, lovely lady.
MAN
Then you shall share my bed.
Ravana stands over Sita.
MAN
If you do not marry me, my Rakshasas will slaughter you for my breakfast.
Demons approach Sita, who is seated under a tree.
Demons surround Sita.
SITA
Your ugly yellow eyes should fall out of your head as you stare at me so lustfully, Ravana. The only reason I do not reduce you to ashes with my own blazing power is because Rama has not ordered me to do so.
Ravana and the demons are gone, leaving Sita alone.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
A demon with one eye and a spear stands next to Sita.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
SITA stands between two DEMONS. She looks distressed. The demons laugh at her.
SINGER
When night is sleeping and I should be sleeping in
SITA (V.O.)
bed
The scene changes to night. SITA is alone, looking up at the moon.
SINGER
If you were peeping you'd find that I'm weeping
SITA (V.O.)
inside
SITA cries. HANUMAN appears beside her.
SINGER
My loving daddy loves his baby again Said he'd come back but he forgot to say when Night after night I'm crying Daddy won't you please come home
SINGER (CONT'D)
Daddy, won't you please come home? I'm so awesome.
DEMON
No one can
SINGER
fill a vacant chair.
DEMON
Home
SINGER
isn't home when you're not there. No need to knock. The door is open for
SITA is now in a palace with RAVANA. She looks distressed.
SITA (V.O.)
you.
RAVANA stands in front of a door.
SINGER
Please, Daddy, even the clock keeps ticking. Daddy, won't you please come home? Daddy, do you have to roam so very long?
SITA is shown inside a clock face.
SINGER (CONT'D)
There's lots of new sheep who would like to be sheep and haven't slipped yet, but I'm liable to week. Daddy, daddy, won't you be home?
RAVANA stands next to SITA in a garden.
SITA looks at a noose hanging from a tree.
SITA looks up at the moon, crying.
HANUMAN appears next to SITA.
SITA looks at HANUMAN, then closes her eyes and smiles.
The moon with a face walks across the sky.
HANUMAN runs across the screen.
HANUMAN walks with a DEMON behind him.
SITA plays a clarinet.
HANUMAN is next to SITA, who plays the clarinet.
HANUMAN runs away from SITA, who is surrounded by fire.
Demons made of fire dance around SITA.
UNKNOWN
¶¶
Buildings are engulfed in flames.
HANUMAN flies over water.
HANUMAN flies through a forest.
HANUMAN walks through a forest.
HANUMAN climbs a hill.
RAMA stands at the bottom of the hill as HANUMAN climbs down.
SINGER
Sweet Daddy, even the clock keeps ticking. Daddy, won't you please come
HANUMAN kneels before RAMA. A thought bubble shows SITA.
SITA (V.O.)
home? Daddy, do you
SINGER
have the wrong? It's all very long. There's lots of other news. Who would like to be chicken? Haven't slept yet, but I'm liable to weaken. Daddy, Daddy, won't you please come home?
The thought bubble shows SITA crying.
The thought bubble shows SITA gesturing.
A thought bubble shows a noose.
RAMA and HANUMAN stand together.
INT. UNKNOWN - DAY
MAN 3
She also made her own share of mistakes. In fact, she should have just gone back with Anuman. The whole idea of my man has to come to save me. It's like, oh, you know, one little tight thing. Jump on the monkey's back. Go back. Chill out. Hundreds will be fine, okay?
HANUMAN, SITA, and a DEMON are shown as paper cutouts.
WOMAN
Is it possible she didn't trust the monkey altogether?
WOMAN
It is possible. It is possible that she
MAN 2
didn't trust the
WOMAN
monkey.
MAN 2
I think she absolutely trusted the monkey.
The DEMON is shown in the foreground, with HANUMAN and SITA in the background.
WOMAN
But she wanted her man to come. But
MAN 2
she wanted her man. Okay, so that's the whole thing. It's like, you've got to prove it to me, baby.
WOMAN
But not only that, she also wanted... Fight for me. Sorry, go ahead. No, but she also wanted the evil king to be defeated. I think that was the thing that my husband should come and actually teach his marriage. Okay, so why
RAMA, SITA, and several DEMONS are shown as paper cutouts.
A DEMON is in the foreground, with RAMA and SITA in the background.
RAVANA is shown with SITA and a DEMON.
MAN 3
don't you go back so that the evil king doesn't have a hostage and then do it.
MAN 2
But it was almost like she's trying to glorify Ram through this whole process, you know, like my man will come and he is capable of this and he is virtuous and he will kill Ravan.
RAMA, SITA, and several DEMONS are shown.
SITA is shown with several DEMONS.
MAN 3
So there's a bloodthirsty woman.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
A Craigslist ad for a sublet is shown, with a CAT walking across it.
The Craigslist ad is shown in full.
A WOMAN packs a suitcase in a bedroom.
An airplane flies through the sky.
UNKNOWN
My question
A map shows a flight path from India to Singapore.
MAN 3
is, were they monkeys? Because they actually... They could fly. Not monkeys. They're...
A monkey and a DEMON are shown as paper cutouts.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
What I understand is different from monkeys, right? I mean, they're...
MAN 3
Like from what I understand, monkeys were one species and then the Vanars were actually another species. They were half man, half monkey.
A DEMON is shown.
WOMAN
Okay, because they have tails though.
MAN 3
Okay, but they're not
A monkey head is superimposed on a Vitruvian Man drawing.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
like, yeah. Yeah, I definitely think the tail and the... They were definitely half monkey, if not more.
A monkey in traditional Indian attire is shown.
WOMAN
Yeah, but that's what the army was because otherwise they were these two brothers. They didn't have any army. Two
MAN 3
brothers and then all of Sugreev's big army, all the Vanarsena. The Vanarsena,
A DEMON is shown with multiple HANUMAN figures.
WOMAN
right.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
RAMA and HANUMAN stand in a forest.
RAMA
Hanuman, assemble the monkey warriors. We shall cross the sea to Lanka and rescue Sita.
HANUMAN
Yes, my lord. We march at once.
RAMA and HANUMAN stand together.
Multiple HANUMAN figures march.
The HANUMAN army marches towards a castle in the middle of the sea.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
SITA stands in a garden.
SINGER
Who's that knocking? Don't stand outside there. Come on in here.
SINGER (CONT'D)
I just had a sort of feeling this morning Something good was gonna happen
SITA (V.O.)
today Now there comes a sound without any
SITA stands between two DEMONS. She looks happy.
SINGER
warning I just know it's good luck coming my way Goodness gracious can it be Someone's coming back to me Who's that knocking at my
SITA (V.O.)
door?
A large door is shown.
SINGER
I've been waiting oh so long. I'll just die if I'm wrong. Who's that knocking at my door? I know it can't be the mailman, the coalman, the iceman. They've been here today. Can't be the grocer, the butcher, the baker. They don't know that way. If my sweet is there outside, my arms and my heart are open wide. Who's that knocking at my door?
SITA stands next to a DEMON, who holds a spear over his head.
RAMA is shown.
SITA dances in the garden.
SINGER (CONT'D)
Oh,
SITA (V.O.)
boy.
The HANUMAN army fights the DEMONS.
The DEMONS march.
The HANUMAN army attacks the DEMONS.
The HANUMAN army marches towards the castle.
HANUMAN fights a DEMON.
The DEMONS march.
The HANUMAN army fights the DEMONS.
HANUMAN fights a DEMON.
HANUMAN defeats a DEMON.
The HANUMAN army defeats the DEMONS.
SINGER
Me, oh, my, my, oh, me, guess I'm having company.
A DEMON is crushed by a large object.
SITA smiles.
UNKNOWN
Ooh,
SINGER
that knocking at my door. See, the time's eight o'clock, sounds like a familiar knock. Ooh, that knocking at my door. I know you can't be the milkman, the gasman, the dreadman who always collects. I hope that it isn't that sort of an eggman who writes out those checks. If it's my sweet, you two be gonna lock him in. Do you see who's that knocking at my door? Ah!
HANUMAN defeats a DEMON.
A DEMON is defeated.
A DEMON runs away.
SITA looks over a wall, smiling. A defeated DEMON is below.
UNKNOWN
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
SINGER
Ah! Ah!
RAVANA is defeated by a sword.
A building is shown.
An arrow flies through the air.
A DEMON runs away from a falling object.
SITA (V.O.)
Can't
RAVANA is shown, then falls.
SINGER
be the pummel, the peddler, the porter, cause I paid those bills. I hope that it isn't the doctor, the dentist, they can't cure my ill. If there's someone that I've known, gonna make him feel at home, then who's that knocking at my
SITA smiles with her eyes closed.
SITA looks over a wall.
SITA's hair is shown.
SITA (V.O.)
door?
SITA looks over a wall. Blood is splattered on the ground below, with defeated DEMONS.
RAMA stands in front of the defeated DEMONS.
SINGER
That's awesome.
EXT. THIRUVANANTHAPURAM - NIGHT
WOMAN
Dave! Oh, Dave! We're in India. No kissing is public.
TITLE CARD: "THIRUVANANTHAPURAM (TRIVANDRUM)"
A WOMAN with brown hair walks through a crowd.
A MAN with a large nose stands in a crowd.
The WOMAN walks through the crowd.
The MAN and WOMAN embrace.
MAN
Let me take your back. Well,
UNKNOWN
here you are. Good night.
WOMAN
oh gosh later i know what he did what did he do when he saw her in ranka
SITA, RAMA, and a DEMON are shown as paper cutouts.
WOMAN (CONT'D)
hug her and kiss her
MAN 3
no i don't
RAMA and SITA are shown embracing, with a heart behind them. Two DEMONS are in the foreground.
MAN 2
know i don't think so she was very cold
MAN 3
why was he cold to sita
Two DEMONS are shown.
MAN 3
Actually, to be honest with you, I'm very shaky on this point. I don't know what he actually... You can make
WOMAN
it up.
RAMA and HANUMAN stand in a forest.
RAMA and HANUMAN walk through a forest, past defeated DEMONS.
SITA walks through a forest, past defeated DEMONS.
SITA is shown close up.
UNKNOWN
Thank
UNKNOWN
you.
RAMA and HANUMAN are shown.
SITA is shown.
RAMA and HANUMAN are shown.
RAMA is shown.
RAMA is shown.
RAMA is shown.
SITA and RAMA are shown.
RAMA
You have lived in another man's house, so you are unfit to be my wife.
RAMA
I have done my duty in rescuing you from the enemy and avenging the insult to myself. I have terrible suspicions about your character and conduct. Ravana was aware of your beauty. He cannot have kept you in his house for so long without touching you. The very sight of you is painful. You are free to go wherever you want. I have no more use for you, Sita.
SITA
If I had known this, I would have killed myself before and spared you this war.
SITA
Build me a funeral pyre. I cannot bear to live. Despite my virtues, my husband has rejected me.
MAN 2
He's obviously doubting her
A DEMON is shown.
MAN 2 (CONT'D)
pureness.
WOMAN
I find the whole pureness thing really odd. I find it really
A DEMON is shown with a document that says "Covenant of Purity".
MAN 3
weird that nobody is commending Ravan for not forcibly... I mean, I know we shouldn't commend somebody for that. Yeah, but in terms of villains, right?
RAVANA is shown with a DEMON.
WOMAN
Yeah.
MAN 3
I mean, we expect villains to be villainous. This is a guy that's like, if you don't come to me willingly,
RAVANA is shown with a DEMON. RAVANA's face is distorted.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
I will not touch you. Right. I will not force you in my house. Right. I will not force myself on you. Well, he never had sex with her, did he? No. As Sita proved over and over again. By far
RAVANA is shown with two DEMONS.
MAN 2
trial of fire.
A DEMON is shown with SITA.
A DEMON is shown with SITA.
RAMA, SITA, and RAVANA are shown.
RAMA carries SITA.
SITA (V.O.)
You're
SINGER
mean to me. Why must you be mean to me? Me, honey, it seems to me you love to see me crying.
SITA stands next to RAMA.
SITA stands next to RAMA.
SINGER (CONT'D)
I don't know why I stay home each night when you say your phone. You don't and I'm left alone, singing the blues and science. You treat me coldly each day in the years. You always scold me whenever somebody says it. It must be great fun to be mean to me. You shouldn't fall, can't you see what you mean to me? The End
INT. PALACE - NIGHT
SITA sits on a bed.
SITA holds a banana. HANUMAN is in the background.
HANUMAN walks away from a couch.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - DAY
RAMA and SITA stand on mountains, with snow falling.
RAMA points at SITA.
A deer walks through the forest.
SITA stands in the forest with two deer.
RAMA looks at SITA.
INT. STAGE - DAY
HANUMAN dances on a stage, with other HANUMAN figures playing instruments.
HANUMAN plays a saxophone in a chariot.
HANUMAN rides in a chariot pulled by horses.
RAMA stands next to a pile of wood.
INT. STAGE - DAY
SITA dances on a stage, with a HANUMAN figure playing a trumpet in the background.
UNKNOWN
But I'm afraid you don't care for me
SITA dances in front of a fire.
SINGER
You never show it, don't let me know it. Everyone says I'm a fool, you'll be. Finding the whole day
SITA (V.O.)
through.
SINGER
Why do you act like you do? You're mean to me. Why must you be mean to me? Oh, gee, honey, it seems to me you love to see me crying. Please tell me why I stay at home each night when you say your phone. You don't, and I'm left alone, just singing the blues and sighing.
A DEMON dances in front of a fire.
SITA sits on a DEMON's lap.
SITA dances between two HANUMAN figures and two groups of RAVANA heads.
RAMA dances next to SITA, who is in front of a fire.
SINGER (CONT'D)
You treat me cold each day in the year. You always scold me whenever somebody is near, dear. It must be great fun for you. Can't you see what you're doing to me? Please tell me why you're so mean
SITA dances with other gods in the background.
SITA dances between two HANUMAN figures.
UNKNOWN
to
SINGER
me.
RAMA dances with SITA.
UNKNOWN
That's all.
RAMA carries SITA.
MAN 2
And he's still not convinced, it seemed like, after she went through the trial by fire. I mean, it's almost like... No,
A DEMON is shown with SITA and RAMA.
A DEMON is shown with SITA and RAMA.
MAN 3
but I thought he was convinced. He then, it was pure pressure. Later with the washerman. Yeah, because the washerman. Yeah, because... He was convinced. It wasn't like he doubted it. He kind of was like, okay, you are pure. And I think he did hug her and then flowers fell from the heavens or something.
A DEMON is shown with SITA and RAMA. A sign says "Sanitized for your protection".
RAMA is shown with a bow and arrow.
RAMA
Whoops. I guess you were pure after all. Will you forgive me, Sita?
SITA
Of course, Rama. I live only for you.
RAMA and SITA walk through a forest, past defeated DEMONS.
EXT. TECHNOPARK - DAY
A sign reads "WELCOME TO TRIVANDRUM'S TECHNOPARK WORLD'S GREENEST TECHNOPOLIS".
INT. OFFICE - DAY
A MAN and WOMAN work at desks in an office.
WOMAN
Hey, they want me to attend this meeting so much they're going to fly me all the way to New York. Five days, all expenses paid.
The MAN draws on a piece of paper, looking at the WOMAN.
MAN
That's great. It'll be fun for you.
The MAN draws on a piece of paper, looking at the WOMAN.
EXT. THIRUVANANTHAPURAM - NIGHT
The MAN and WOMAN stand in a crowd.
The MAN and WOMAN embrace.
WOMAN
See you next week.
The MAN and WOMAN hold hands.
The WOMAN walks away from the MAN.
An airplane flies through the night sky.
MAN 3
No, no, no, it's a flying chariot somewhere, the gods sent a chariot. I don't know, something about flying. I found it to be totally cool. It was like the world's first airplane or something. It was like the first, like they actually flew back. I don't think it was on a bird. Was it on a bird? I
A DEMON is shown with a chariot.
A DEMON is shown with a chariot in front of a temple.
A DEMON is shown with a chariot in the sky.
RAMA and SITA stand on an airplane in the sky.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
think it was actually a flying thing of some kind. They were on a carpet like Aladdin. No, no, it was like an elaborate structure. That's what he came back on, the flying chariot.
A house with hands flies through the sky.
Three DEMONS are shown inside a house-like structure in the sky.
MAN 3 (CONT'D)
That was one of the Air India Jumbo Jets also. And there's a
Three DEMONS are shown inside a house-like structure in the sky, with an airplane wing visible.
MAN 2
movie, a silent
MAN 3
movie.
MAN 3
But that's what I mean. It was like this thing. It wasn't a bird.
Two DEMONS are shown.
Three DEMONS are shown inside a house-like structure in the sky.
WOMAN
I guess what is happening, the 14 years were finishing off, so they had to find a quick way to get back.
Three DEMONS are shown.
UNKNOWN
What does it matter if rain
EXT. TEMPLE - DAY
Dark clouds cover the sky above a temple.
The sun with a face is shown in the sky, surrounded by clouds.
UNKNOWN
comes
SITA (V.O.)
your
SITA stands by a pond, surrounded by trees and temples.
UNKNOWN
way
SITA (V.O.)
and raindrops paddle all
SINGER
day?
SITA stands by a pond, holding a lotus flower.
SINGER (CONT'D)
The rain descending should not make you blue The happy ending is waiting for
SITA is shown upside down, with rain falling.
SITA (V.O.)
Take
SITA smiles as rain falls around her.
SINGER
your share of trouble Face it and don't complain If you want the rainbow You must have the rain Happiness comes over After a little pain
RAMA and HANUMAN walk with an umbrella, while SITA stands in the rain.
RAMA and HANUMAN walk with an umbrella, while SITA stands in the rain.
RAMA and HANUMAN ride in a peacock-shaped boat, while SITA stands in the rain.
A skeleton is shown next to the boat.
SINGER (CONT'D)
If you want the rainbow, you must have the rain. What if your love affair should break up,
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat.
RAMA carries SITA.
SITA is shown upside down.
SINGER (CONT'D)
as they sometimes will? When you kiss and make up, boy, what a thrill. Sadness ends in sadness, showers are not in vain.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat.
RAMA and SITA are in the boat.
Fire is shown.
Fire burns in the rain, with a temple in the background.
SINGER (CONT'D)
If you want the rainbow, you must have the rain Look for brighter weather or watch for the sun again
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat.
The sun is shown through clouds.
SINGER (CONT'D)
If you want the rainbow, then you must have the rain
The sun with a face is shown.
SINGER (CONT'D)
If you want the rainbow, then you must have the rain
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat.
SINGER
Pull yourself together with a happy dream. If you want the rainbow, then you must have the rain. So if your lucky star deserts you, and if shadows fall, even though it hurts you, life through it all. Be a chip or loser You have the world you gain If you want the rainbow Why, you just must have the brain
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat, flying over a rainbow.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat, flying over a rainbow, with the moon in the background.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat, flying over a rainbow.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are in the boat, with the moon in the background.
RAMA and SITA are shown with bubbles around them.
RAMA and SITA are shown.
A castle is shown with a rainbow in the sky.
INT. CASTLE - DAY
A hallway in a castle is shown.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are shown sitting on a throne.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are shown sitting on a throne.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are shown sitting on a throne, with lotus flowers falling around them.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are shown sitting on a throne.
RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN are shown sitting on a throne.
SITA (V.O.)
That's all.
A curtain closes on RAMA, SITA, and HANUMAN.
TITLE CARD: "intermission"
SITA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And he's like, hey, hey,
RAVANA and RAMA walk across the screen.
UNKNOWN
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
SITA walks across the screen.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
Get up now! Fire! Hold up now! Keep on that!
HANUMAN walks through fire.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
Come
SITA (V.O.)
on. He like totally looks great. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he
SITA (V.O.)
he he
UNKNOWN
he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he
UNKNOWN
. . . .
SITA (V.O.)
I got my car.
UNKNOWN
Ah! Let's get up right
SITA (V.O.)
now.
SINGER
Take care
SITA (V.O.)
of it. And then
SITA (V.O.)
he goes and looks over.
UNKNOWN
Thank you.
SITA (V.O.)
Woo!
SITA (V.O.)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
UNKNOWN
Thank you.
UNKNOWN
me me
SITA
Rama, I'm pregnant.
RAMA
That's wonderful, darling.
MAN 3
Maybe they joined the Mai Lai club.
WOMAN
We don't know exactly when she got pregnant. Very soon
MAN 3
thereafter, which is why it's conceivable that someone could argue that she wasn't pregnant because of Ram. But I think it was Ram.
MAN 2
Blasphemy. It is Ram.
MAN
Gandhi!
SITA (V.O.)
Sali!
SITA (V.O.)
Madmash!
MAN
I'm not like Rama, who will take a woman who slept in another man's house.
WOMAN
No, but that happens with the dhobi story. Oh, that happens with the
MAN 2
dhobi. There's a dhobi story. You
WOMAN
know the dhobi, the
MAN 3
woman. Yeah,
WOMAN
the dhobi
MAN 3
says that. The dhobi's wife is with somebody else. And when she comes back, he goes, what do you think, I'm Ram? I'm like Rama. To take somebody back in the house. You know who the dhobi is,
WOMAN
right? He's the washerman. And when the news of that
MAN 3
gets Ram, Ram says, I cannot rule if my subjects don't respect me.
MAN 3
And so you'll have to... Actually, that's when he banishes her. Sorry. That's when he banishes her.
RAMA
Right.
RAMA
Say, Sita, would you like to take a trip?
SITA
But we just got here. Yeah, great. Get packing.
RAMA
Brother Lakshman, my wife's dubious reputation casts doubt upon my own. You must drive Sita to the forest and abandon her there. I cannot have her in my kingdom.
WOMAN
I think basically as a king he had to sort of do if the common man was doing that to their wives then why would the king treat his wife any differently kind of
MAN 3
like I felt he let her go not because he thought she was impure but because he said that to be a king he needs a respect of his subjects right and he can't be considered I don't think he let her go I felt
MAN 2
that he always had this element of doubt I mean it It coupled with, of course, his virtue that everybody spoke of and that he kept his word to his dad and then his subjects, his kingdom. But I felt like he always had this doubt that she might not be pure. I
SITA, RAMA, and a DEMON are shown in a stylized animation. Warning signs appear around them, including "CONTAMINATED" and biohazard symbols.
SINGER
Too bad
SITA (V.O.)
I'm
SINGER
feeling mighty sick and sore. So bad
SINGER
I feel.
SINGER
said I'm feeling sick and sore. I'm so afraid a man don't love me no more. Day
SINGER
in, day out.
SINGER
I'm worryin' about those blues,
SINGER
out, day
SINGER
in I'm worryin' about sad news, I'm so afraid My man, I'm gonna
SITA (V.O.)
lose
SINGER
Long and low, my sweet man, I love him so So he's mean as can be
SINGER
He's the kind
SINGER
woman like
SINGER
should pass me by. If I die, well, he'd be.
SINGER
And he's the kind of woman like me. Don't know any reason why he treats myself hard. What about gone undone?
SINGER
Makes my troubles double with his worries When surely
SINGER
I ain't deserving of none Come on and low My sweet man is gonna go When he goes, oh Lord, see He's the kind of man He's the kind of woman like me
SINGER
Don't know any reason why he treats me so poorly. What have I gone? I'm done. Makes my troubles double with his worries when surely I ain't deserving of none.
SINGER
My man's love My sweet man is gonna go When he goes God see He's
SITA (V.O.)
a
SITA (V.O.)
woman
SINGER
Just like
SITA (V.O.)
me
TITLE CARD: "BROOKLYN, NEW YORK"
SITA
I must have committed a terrible sin in a previous life to deserve such suffering. Were I not carrying Rama's sons, I would throw myself into the river.
MAN 2
She's always shown to be pregnant.
WOMAN
Afterward?
MAN 2
No, when she's banished and she's gone into the forest again. And there she meets that
MAN 2
Teacher. Walmiki. Walmiki. Sorry.
WOMAN
So that's what Walmiki wrote the Ramayana because Sita told the story to him.
SINGER
I'm just a woman, a lonely woman, waiting on a weary shore. I'm just a woman, but the only human one you should be sorry for.
SINGER
Got off this morning along about dawn. Without a warning, I found he was gone. Why should he do it? How could he do it? He never done it before Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears in these eyes Tellin' you Am I blue?
SINGER
You'd be, too. Any time with
SINGER
your mind done fell through.
SINGER
It wasn't time I was his only one But now I'm
SINGER
sad and lonely one Thought it was I gave till today
SINGER
Now he's gone and we're through, now my blue As blue as the
SITA (V.O.)
sky
SINGER
blue You're wondering why to be here, do you know I'm telling you
SINGER
No one feels like I do.
SINGER
Boo, boo, boo, boo. Each friend with my mask done fell through. Was a time.
SINGER
his only, only, only one But now I'm a sad and lonely one Lord, he was again, oh Lord, was again Every day that man went away Now he's gone and went, who am I blue?
MAN 3
Anyway, so Lava and Kusha were born to sita in the forest and were actually taught by Valmiki who taught them how to sing all these songs praising Ram.
MAN
Love, push, let us sing the praises of Rama.
WOMAN 2
Rama's great, Rama's good Rama does what Rama should Rama's just, Rama's right Rama is our guiding light Perfect man, perfect son Rama's loved by everyone Always right, never wrong We praise Rama in this song Sing his love, sing his praise Rama sent his wife ablaze Got her home, kicked her out He will lay his
SUPER: "Rama set his wife ablaze"
WOMAN 2 (CONT'D)
people's doubt Ramah's wise, Ramah's just Ramah does what Ramah must Beauty first, see the last
SUPER: "to allay his people's doubt. Rama's wise, Rama's just"
WOMAN 2 (CONT'D)
Ramah's reign is also God Ramah's great, Ramah's good Ramah does what Ramah should Ramah's just, Ramah's right Ramah is our guiding light Perfect man, perfect son Rama's loved by everyone Always right, never wrong We praise Rama in this song
MAN
Hello?
WOMAN
Please take me back! Please! Please! Please! I'll do anything! Please!
MAN 3
If you had a girlfriend who was being treated really badly by her ex or by her current boyfriend or whatever, and she kept saying, you know, every day, I'm gonna make sure I cook for him and send him a hot lunch at noon. Aren't you gonna turn around and be like, listen, he doesn't like you, he doesn't talk to you. You've gotta move on.
MAN 3
Something's wrong, okay? She starts doing this puja every day. I mean, I feel, see I feel once again with this whole good and bad thing that we always want people to be either all good or all bad. I think Sita also has got her own issues. Like she didn't go back with Hanuman. She could have saved hundreds and thousands of people from being killed. Monkey especially. Yeah, what about animal rights?
MAN 3
And then she prayed for this guy every day. Come on.
MAN 2
But also at that point of time, it was just that unconditional love. You know, for her, she was like, okay. I think
MAN 3
this is the part of the female perspective that I disagree with. Because it's like, then we can say, oh yeah, because she loved him, so she did this. You know, it's like, yeah, but she shouldn't love someone who doesn't treat her right. Who treats you so badly. Okay, that's her mistake.
MAN 2
That's hence unconditional love.
WOMAN 2
Thank you.
SINGER
You went away, I let you We broke the ties that bind
SINGER
I wanted to forget you And leave the past behind Still the magic of the night I met you Seems to stay forever in my mind
SINGER
The sky was blue and high above, the moon was new and so was love. This eager heart of mine was singing, love of where can you be?
SINGER
You came at last, love had its day That day has passed, you've gone away This
SINGER
aching heart of mine is singing Love will come back to me When I remember every little thing
SINGER
I'm so lonely Every road I walk along I walk along with you No wonder I am lonely The sky is blue The night is cold The moon is new But love is old And while I'm waiting here This heart of mine is safe
SINGER
Lover come back to me
SINGER
Sky is blue, night is cold Moon is new, but love is old And while I'm waiting here This heart of mine is singing Love will come back to
WOMAN 2
me
WOMAN 2
That's
WOMAN 2
all.
MAN 3
And when Ram was in the forest, he heard these two boys singing. He didn't know who they were, but he came up and he was just like, who are they? Who are you? And that's when he finds out that
MAN 3
Sita's there and those are his children.
RAMA
My sons.
RAMA
Father? Return to Ayodhya Palace to rule with me for eternity.
MAN 3
But then he wants to take Lavan Kush back.
MAN 3
But he still hasn't ever taken her back.
RAMA
And he asked her to prove
MAN 3
Her purity one more time, I think. Actually, I don't know about Dreyasa or whatever. But she says,
SITA
I shall prove my purity to you.
SITA
If I have always been true to Rama, if I have never thought of another man, if I am completely pure in body and soul,
SITA
then may Mother Earth take me back into her womb.
WOMAN 2
I'm flying high But
SINGER
I've
SINGER
got a feeling I'm falling Falling for nobody else but you
SITA (V.O.)
You
SINGER
caught my eye And I've got a feeling I'm falling Show me the ring and I'll jump right through
SINGER
I used to travel, single, oh, we chance to mingle, oh, now, now I'm a tingle over you. Hey, Mr. Paulson, stand by for our little feeling I'm falling, falling for nobody else but you.
SINGER
Oh honey, oh honey, I never felt this way, romantically I'm up in the
SITA (V.O.)
air.
SINGER
It's funny, so funny, me taking it this way, don't know if I should.
WOMAN 2
But
SINGER
it feels good. I'm flying high up in the sky. But I've got a funny feeling that I'm falling, falling for nobody else but you. And you know it, too. You caught my eye. Baby, that's why. I've got a funny feeling that I'm falling. Show me the ring and, oh boy, I'll take it from you. I used to have a single, oh we chance to mingle, oh now. Now I'm a tingle over you.
SINGER
Oh, Mr. Paulson, stand by. Don't leave me now. I've got a feeling I'm falling and how. Falling for nobody else but you. That's all.
WOMAN 2
Thank you.
WOMAN 2
My thoughts go back to a heavenly dance A moment of bliss we spent Our hearts were filled with a song of romance As into the night we went And sang to our hearts content
WOMAN 2
The song is ended, but the melody lingers on. You and the song are gone, but the melody lingers
WOMAN 2
on.
WOMAN 2
The night was splendid and the melody seemed to say, summer will pass away, take your happiness away.
WOMAN 2
Reign the love song that ended too soon The moon descended and I found with a break of dawn You and the song had gone but the melody lingers on
WOMAN 2
But the melody rings us on You and the song are gone But the melody rings us
WOMAN 2
on The night was splendid And the melody seemed to say summer will be
WOMAN 2
And I found with a break of dawn You and the song had gone But the melody lingers on But the melody lingers on
WOMAN 2
on
SITA (V.O.)
That's all
Sita Sings the Blues by Nina Paley
Public Domain Mark 1.0
Oh, Mr. Porter!
frametopage.com/examples#oh-mr-porter
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FADE IN:
TITLE CARD: "A GAINSBOROUGH PICTURE"
The camera moves along a set of train tracks, entering a tunnel.
UNKNOWN
I want
MAN IN TOP HAT
to go to Birmingham and they're taking me on the
UNKNOWN
cruise. Oh, Mr. Porter, what a funny man you are.
TITLE CARD: "International Film Renters Ltd. PRESENTS WILL HAY in 'Oh, Mr. Porter!' MADE WITH THE CO-OPERATION OF THE SOUTHERN RAILWAY AND THE LONDON AND NORTH EASTERN RAILWAY COMPANIES Original story by Frank Launder FULL-RANGE RECORDING SYSTEM RECORDED AT ISLINGTON LONDON"
The camera continues to move along the tracks, exiting the tunnel and entering another.
TITLE CARD: "SCREEN PLAY J.O.C. Orton Val Guest Marriott Edgar PHOTOGRAPHY Arthur Crabtree EDITING R.E. Dearing CUTTING Alfred Roome SETTINGS Velchinsky RECORDING W. Salter MUSICAL DIRECTOR Louis Levy"
TITLE CARD: "Directed by Marcell Varnell"
TITLE CARD: "CAST William Porter Will Hay Jeremiah Harbottle Moore Marriott Albert Graham Moffatt Mr. Trimbleton Sebastian Smith Mrs. Trimbleton Agnes Lauchlan Superintendent Percy Walsh Grogan Dennis Wyndham The Postman Dave O'Toole"
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
A new train, the SILVER LINK N° 2509, sits on the tracks. A crowd of people are gathered on the platform.
MAN IN TOP HAT
And as the managing director of this railway, it is the great pleasure in asking the wife of the Minister of Public Communications to christen our new engines. I
WOMAN IN HAT
now christen you the silver link.
MR. TRIMBLETON
As Minister of Public Communications, speaking on behalf of my wife and myself, we would like to please the record of the prize
MR. TRIMBLETON
We feel that you should have selected us
MR. TRIMBLETON
to perform the ceremony. In all the years I've been in office,
MR. TRIMBLETON
I can recall
MR. TRIMBLETON
no happier occasion.
MAN IN TOP HAT
No, no, no, no, no, no.
MR. TRIMBLETON
Don't stop him. The work of the railway must go off.
A MAN in a cap is tapping the wheels of the train with a hammer. He looks up at the commotion.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Oh, that's all. I can wait. I'll
MR. TRIMBLETON
listen to you.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Willie, what's our Willie doing here?
MR. TRIMBLETON
Come here, my man.
MR. TRIMBLETON
So you're the wheel tapper, eh? That reminds me of a story they used to tell about a wheel tapper on the line. He'd been tapping wheels for 40 years. And one day somebody asked him why he taps wheels. And what do you think he said? He said, I'm blown if I know.
MR. TRIMBLETON
He'd been tapping wheels for 40 years and didn't know why.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Louis,
WOMAN IN HAT
think me a little stupid. But why do they tap them?
MAN IN TOP HAT
Ah, well, er... Well, you see, it's like this, madam. If I tap the wheel with this hammer and the wheel goes clang, then I know the wheel's there, you see? Yes, but suppose the wheel doesn't go clang. Well, then I know the train's gone.
The woman christens the train by smashing a bottle of champagne against it. Water sprays everywhere, drenching the MAN IN TOP HAT.
MAN IN TOP HAT (CONT'D)
That's the lock. Thanks.
A young man in a white uniform hands the MAN IN TOP HAT a towel.
MAN IN TOP HAT (CONT'D)
Hold on.
The young man helps the MAN IN TOP HAT remove his wet coat.
MAN IN TOP HAT (CONT'D)
Pair of dark trousers with white pink stripes. Here.
He hands the trousers to a WOMAN in a train compartment.
MAN IN TOP HAT (CONT'D)
Ditto, cleaning number 1349. Those are made.
INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT - DAY
The MAN IN TOP HAT is now in a different compartment, wearing a white shirt and waistcoat. He looks distressed.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
I've never been so humiliated in all my life to think that I should live to see my own brother working as a common wheel sapper. But, my dear... What's the good of being managing director if you can't get Willie a better position than that? But we've tried him in everything. Well, if that's the best you can do, I should insist on Willie resigning from the railway altogether. You mean leave us altogether? Certainly. After all, there's no need for him to work on the line.
MAN IN TOP HAT
No, there must be other things he can do. Exactly.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
He can come and live with us. What? In our house? Why not? Better that than tapping wheels. But, my dear... My mind is made up. Either Willie gets a decent job or he comes to live with us. Yes, but... Undo that thing and don't argue. Don't be
MAN IN TOP HAT
hasty, my dear. I'll see the superintendent at
MRS. TRIMBLETON
once. That's more like
MAN IN TOP HAT
it. I'll go and fetch Willie.
INT. OFFICE - DAY
The MAN IN TOP HAT is speaking to a SUPERINTENDENT. The MRS. TRIMBLETON enters the office.
MAN IN TOP HAT
I can, sir. He should be fired. You know the board's attitude towards incompetence. No, you don't understand, old man. If he's fired, my wife's going to have him live with us. Oh,
MAN IN TOP HAT
life wouldn't be worth living. I wouldn't have a sock to call my own. Oh, you have my sympathy, sir. Sympathy's no good. What I want is help. Well, have you any special position in mind for him? No, no. So long as it has the semblance of promotion.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Well, would it matter if we sent him very far away? The farther the better. Well, now let me see.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
Come on, Willie. There's nothing to be nervous about. Oh,
WILLIE
I'm not nervous. I've been here before.
WILLIE enters the office, looking nervous. He is wearing a cap and overalls.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
I hope you've explained the situation, Charles. Well, my dear, I was just... You see, Mr. Young, we don't think it conforms with our dignity to have a relative of ours tapping wheels. We've never had a tapper in our family, have we, Willie?
WILLIE
Well, there was Uncle Joe.
MAN IN TOP HAT
I thought we'd taken you off tapping. You were supposed to be sorting parcels. What were you doing on the line, anyway? Well, after I'd checked 200 Stilton cheeses, I needed some fresh air.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
You've never given the boy a proper chance. We've trained him in many capacities, my dear. What positions has he held?
MAN IN TOP HAT
In 1934, we made him chief coupler at Miggleswick. And you know what you did there.
WILLIE
Yes, I coupled. Yes, you coupled the Coltrain to the Scotch Express. I did nothing in the short. You deny it. Certainly I do. I did not couple the Coltrain to the Scotch Express. I coupled the Scotch Express to the Coltrain.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
Fancy putting anyone with Willie's intelligence to couple trains.
MAN IN TOP HAT
On Derby Day, 1935, we put you on the indicator board. Yes, that's quite right. And you sent 12,000 race-goers to a temperance convention in Wales. Did you hear about that too? Hear about it? Yes, from 12,000 race-goers. Charles. Yes, my dear. Either Willie gets promoted or... What vacancies are there?
MAN IN TOP HAT
There's a vacancy for a sleeping car attendant.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
No, that would keep him up too late.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Does a guard want it for a milk train? No, that'll get me up too early. Oh, well, that's all there is.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
Right, come on, Willie.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Surely there must be something. Well, we've already offered him two posts. What does he want? Just a minute.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Have you got any station masters? London Main Line Terminus, I suppose. Oh, no, no. Start me Manchester, Birmingham. I'll work my way up. Well, there aren't any station master vacancies. Ah, there you are, sis. See what I'm up against. Victimization. The one job I know I can do, and they won't give me a chance. What's this? Oh, that must have just come in. There's a place in Ireland called Buggleskelly. Oh, that's nothing. There's a place in Wales called... They want a station master at Buggleskelly. What? Excuse me one minute.
MAN IN TOP HAT
Mr. Ledbetter, about that vacancy for a station master at Buggles, Kelly, I thought we filled there a month ago. Yes, sir, but it's vacant again. Don't know, sir. Local conditions would appear to be peculiar. We've sent them five station masters in 12 months. What happened to the last one? I'll read you his letter, sir. Sounds a bit queer to me. Dear sir, since coming to this district, I have discovered I am Napoleon Bonaparte, and since you refused to transfer me to Waterloo, I resign. P.S. Please forward all letters to Moscow. I intend to retreat there.
MAN IN TOP HAT
And the one before him, why did he leave? I've no idea, sir. But I remember we sent a reef.
MAN IN TOP HAT
So is the very place. Can I have it? You've got it. It's a country station, rather off the beaten track. Oh, I don't mind. As long as it's near the railway. Let me see.
The SUPERINTENDENT points to a map of Ireland on the wall.
MAN IN TOP HAT (CONT'D)
Here's our line running through Northern Ireland. And here is Buggles, Kelly.
The Superintendent points to a specific spot on the map.
A train is superimposed over the map.
INT. TRAIN CARRIAGE - NIGHT
The train is moving, and the wheels are visible. It is raining outside.
A sign outside the window reads "BALLYDRUM RATHEND & BUGGLESKELLY"
The window is covered in rain, obscuring the view.
Inside the carriage, several people are huddled together. A WOMAN IN SHAWL is holding a basket.
MRS. TRIMBLETON
Would
MAN IN HAT
you mind?
The MAN IN HAT helps the WOMAN IN SHAWL with her basket.
UNKNOWN
Thanks.
MAN IN HAT
That's a grand coffee you have there, mister.
WILLIE is holding a large, ornate clock.
WILLIE
Oh, this? Just a little present from my staff when they heard I was eating lunch. But what might the inscription be? To William Porter, that way, from his fellow workers on the occasion of his promotion to the station master at Buggles Kelly.
WOMAN IN SHAWL
What's that he said? This gentleman is the new station master. Poor man. And him a stranger.
WILLIE
Why, what's wrong with it?
WOMAN IN SHAWL
It's a brave
WOMAN IN SHAWL
man, the child. No chicken child a man will walk abroad there after dark.
MAN IN HAT
Is it damp or something? Did you ever hear a tale of One-Eyed Jewel, the Phantom Miller? No, I didn't follow greyhounds. Follow, is it? Follow. You'll be a lucky man if One-Eyed Jewel never follows you. He was murdered by the railway. In the old days, he was a rich man, and a man too. He owned the hill and the mill that stands on top of it. You should be able to see it from here.
The view outside the window is dark and blurry.
MAN IN HAT (CONT'D)
Then one day the railway came along, and what did they do but start to run a tunnel right through the heart of the hill without buying your labor or nothing? Well, that was hardly sick transit law there, was it? He should have sued them. He did better. He put a curse on the line and swore that any train that entered the tunnel should never come out again. Well, that would match up the time tables a bit, wouldn't it? The first train that came along there in the mouth of the tunnel stood one-eyed Joe, with his arms upraised. Go back, go back, he tried. But the engine driver drove straight on. What, over cock-eyed Joe? And the next morning, his body was found on the line.
WILLIE
And every night when the moon gives light, the ghost of the miller is seen. As he walks the track with the sack on his back down to the black porhine. And the middle wheels turn, though the night is still. And the old lights flash from the ruin mill. He haunts the station. He haunts the hill and the land that lies between.
MAN IN HAT
Bugglers,
WILLIE
Kelly. Oh, man.
WILLIE
Oh, that's your problem. Thanks.
The train stops. The passengers begin to exit.
Willie tries to open the window, but it is stuck. He struggles with it.
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - NIGHT
Willie is walking alone in the rain, carrying his clock. He looks lost.
WILLIE
Hey, it says two miles to Buckleskelly from here. I can't help it. Well, how do I get there? You walk. Follow this road round the Puttapooka Hill. Pass the Witch's Oak. Drop down into Hell's Hollow. Well, I only asked you a simple question. And the station's right in front of you. You can't miss it. Oh, well, thank you very much. Good night to you. Good boy to you. Yes.
WILLIE
Oh, you're the funny-looking bird.
Willie looks up at an OWL perched on a sign that reads "BUGGLESKELLY STATION TWO MILES"
WILLIE
Why, you, you flat-faced bullet.
Willie continues to walk in the rain.
He stops at a sign that reads "SOUTHERN RAILWAY OF NORTHERN IRELAND"
Willie opens a gate and walks through.
Willie walks along the tracks.
He passes another sign that reads "BUGGLESKELLY"
Willie walks into a dark building.
INT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - NIGHT
Willie enters a dimly lit station office. He looks around nervously.
He sees a note on the wall that reads "give half A Pint"
Willie looks out a window.
WILLIE
The next train's gone. What do you mean, next train's gone? There's no sense in that. It's like saying the last train that came in hasn't... Hasn't what? Well, hasn't gone? Don't argue with me. Come out, let me in. Come out? What, at night? Not me. Aye, aye, aye.
Willie is talking to someone through a small window.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Oh, there you are. What, are you here again? Again? I haven't been away yet. What's the idea of keeping me out of my own station? Come out.
Willie enters the main part of the station office, which is cluttered with various items. JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE, an old man with a long white beard, is sitting at a desk.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Oh, what a station.
WILLIE
Look at that. A bit of fish, ain't you? I don't want any of this from you. Who are you, anyway? Me? I'm Arbottle. Porter, Shunter, Signalman. Deputy Station Master when there isn't a Station Master, which is more open than not. Oh, well, there's one now, see? Where? Here, I'm the Station Master. Where's your clock? What clock? Your presentation clock. How did you know I got one? Ah, they all bring them. Bung it with the others.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
They look lovely when they knew, don't they?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
William Porter. Another William. That was William O'Shea. Poor Bill. Why, what happened to him? They put him away. Had to. Oh.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Mick McGuire? Well, why did he leave? Nobody knows. He went out after dark. Where to? I don't know. Never saw him again. But we heard him. At least Albert did. Albert? Who's Albert? He functions for me when I'm not here. Oh. Well, which is his clock? He hasn't got a clock. He's still alive. Hey, give me that back. Well, aren't you going to put it for the others? What amongst them? There are a lot of tombstones.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
What's that? If it gives two owls, owls and a toot, it's Albert.
WILLIE
Well, he's not afraid of the dark, anyway. Oh, he plays with the pixies. Oh, does he? All that's going to stop from now on. Here's the subject here, Ma. Mine ready? Yep.
A WOMAN enters the office, carrying a basket of eggs.
A young man, ALBERT, enters the office. He is wearing a striped shirt and a cap.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
What's he want? New station, master.
WILLIE
Go and ask the cough, hurry. Never mind about my cough. You show a little more respect to your superiors. And put that back where you got it from.
WILLIE
And take your cap off. And you. What have you got there? My supper beer. Have some? Certainly not. This place is far too free and easy altogether. I don't know with a man in my position and hobnobbing with his staff. You keep your place and I'll keep mine.
WILLIE
What is it, bitter?
A painting of a pastoral scene is shown.
INT. TRAIN CARRIAGE - NIGHT
Willie is sleeping in a train carriage, covered in hay. A COW is next to him.
WILLIE
Hey, move over. I want to come out. You have to wait. I've got to empty this cow.
Willie is now dressed in striped pajamas. He looks out the window.
MR. TRIMBLETON
Hey, who does she belong to?
Willie throws hay out of the window.
Willie climbs out of the window.
WILLIE
The where? Here. She's Alice.
MR. TRIMBLETON
Oh, yes.
WILLIE
I suppose that's her name, is it?
Willie holds up a sign that reads "LOST IN TRANSIT"
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Something burning somewhere?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
That'd be Albert cooking her breakfast.
WILLIE
Smells more like somebody cooking Albert.
Willie and Jeremiah walk away from the train.
Albert is cooking something in a pan over a fire.
INT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - DAY
Willie, Jeremiah, and Albert are sitting at a table, eating breakfast.
WILLIE
Ah, I think I'm going to like Bucklef Kelly. Yeah, in the daytime.
WILLIE
Well, you've got a big cheese here. Yeah, this is where you sit. Thank you.
WILLIE
Where did this come from? Don't it say?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
No, it just says where it's going to.
WILLIE
What's the idea of this? Tell me you're eating food that doesn't belong to you. We haven't had any places since we came to Ireland. We can't starve, so we borrow things. Borrow? You mean you steal things from the railway? I wouldn't call it stealing. Call it stepping off the country.
WILLIE
Danish? Not particular which country either, are you? That's all right. We paid for that. What did that cost you?
UNKNOWN
A
WILLIE
ticket to Belfast. A what? A ticket to Belfast. Yes, that's how we get everything. Good, ain't it? So that's it. You've been getting goods by giving away the company's tickets. Well, I've never heard of such a thing. It's absolutely dishonest. Do you understand you're in a position of trust here? The company came along and started checking up on their tickets. Wasn't it where they'd gone to? You'd be in a fine mess, wouldn't you? That's right. Well, this isn't right. In future, you'll make sure those tickets come back. How? Well, give them return tickets.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Nice piece of bacon, this. Danish, too? No, this is home-grown. Yeah, some sauce.
WILLIE
Oh, go on, some of your shop. This time.
WILLIE
But don't keep the customers waiting.
Jeremiah gets up and walks towards the door.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
It's Murphy, called for his pigs. Well, give them to him. Can't, not now. What do you mean, not now? If there is probably he can have them any time he likes. Well, not all of them. Not all of them? Well, why not all of them?
MAN IN HAT
Where did you get this baiting?
WILLIE
That's right. Well, that's a nice state of affairs. You don't want to steal the company's goods and pawn their tickets, but you actually pinch things from a customer. Well, who's going to tell him? You are. You're the station master. I'll do no such thing. That's not part of a station master's duties. A man comes here, leaves his pigs with the company. When he comes back, what does he find? Finds you beating them. Well, how was I to know?
WILLIE
Well, somebody better tell him before he knocks that door down. Well, I'll tell him. I should report this to the company. Absolutely disgraceful sitting there like a couple of pigs eating. Well, you're a pair of cannibals, that's what you are.
A man with a large beard, MR. MURPHY, enters the office.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
What can I do for you, Mr... My name's Murphy and I want my pigs. Have you got your voucher? Is this what you mean? Are you sure you left them at the station? Of course, I'm sure. Come on, let's have them. They've been here a long time, you know. They used to come sooner.
WILLIE
We've had a rather cold spell. Pigs are only human after all. I couldn't come sooner. My wife had Quincy's. Like that woman in Canada. Have you got two pigs of mine here, or haven't you?
WILLIE
As a matter of fact, I... I won't give you a moment.
MR. MURPHY
We've
WILLIE
got them. What, here? Yes. Mine?
UNKNOWN
Yes.
WILLIE
Where are they? In there. Oh,
Willie leads Mr. Murphy to a pen where two pigs are kept.
WILLIE
well, would you come and identify your property, Mr. Murphy? I will.
Two pigs are in a pen.
MR. MURPHY
Hey, it's just two here. Who's the other one belong to?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Him. We're six.
WILLIE
Ah, yes.
WILLIE
Well, Mr. Murphy, let me congratulate you. Your pigs have had a visit from the stock. Looks as if they had a visit from the butcher, too. Where's the rest of them? What about the litter? Oh, don't worry about that. We'll clear it up. I mean the litter of pigs. Oh, there
UNKNOWN
it
WILLIE
is. But you don't call one a litter, do you? Pussy Jane never furrows less than semen. Well, you can't expect her to keep it up all the time, can you?
WILLIE
I wants me property. Oh, take it. Two pigs, that's all it says here. I wants me litter too. It is the law of nature. Ah, but it's not the law of the railway. What doesn't go in can't come out. I mean, what you can't do, what you don't put in, you can't take out, can you? I mean, it's here for yourself. There you are. The company should be reliable in the aggregate for misdelivery, detention, misdelivery, negligence, occasionally, more separately, if it's left on the premises. There you are, left on the premises. You left two pigs. You can't get there on that plane. It's a pig staff. He has stolen me litter rights through the company. I'm sorry, Mr. Murphy, but rules are rules, litter or no litter, and I'm acting stupid. strictly within the letter of the law. Yes, I'll settle with you. In the meantime, you might just settle this bill, will you please? A bill? What for? A keep of two pigs for one month, 15 shillings. What? Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take the small pig in full settlement. So you not only steal me pigs, but you charge me 15 shillings for the privilege. It's a rule of the company. You can't break it. Oh, no. Well, here's where I break something belonging to the company.
WILLIE
Hello. Has he gone? No. This is the station. What can I do for you? What's that? A fire? Where?
WILLIE
At the farm? Whose farm? No, good gracious. What are you talking about? What? The haystacks gone? And the barns. Whose barns? Oh dear me. And the house. Whose house? Yours. House Mrs. Murphy and the Quincy's.
WILLIE
Hey, what was all that about? Never you mind. You send those pigs back to Murphy's Park before they'll cause me more trouble.
WILLIE
And if you see a stock flying about here, throw something at it.
A bell RINGS.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
What's that? Oh, that'll be the express. What, a train? Could have happened. When is it due? Ten minutes, but it won't stop. What do you mean, it won't stop? It will. I know it won't. It only stops at important stations. Yes, well, in future, this is going to be an important station. It's going to stop today.
EXT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - DAY
Willie, Jeremiah, and Albert are standing on the platform. Albert is sweeping the platform with a broom.
WILLIE
Well, I... Hey, come on. Don't you dare do nothing. There's a train coming through. Go on, do something. Stand up in the face of it. Go on. Hey, get those things off the line. It ain't a thing. It's a mallet.
UNKNOWN
I
Clothes are hanging on a clothesline across the tracks.
WILLIE
would say the washing off the line. Of course, it's not dry. Well, who cares? There's a station, not a laundry.
WILLIE
See? Oh, you one-half cop it, stop me in a train for no reason. You mind your own business. I'm station master here, and if I want a train to stop, it
UNKNOWN
stops.
WILLIE
Oh, the gate! Where's the wheel that opens that gate? Over there.
Willie runs to a large wheel next to the tracks.
UNKNOWN
Is
WILLIE
the gate opening?
UNKNOWN
Yeah.
Willie struggles to turn the wheel.
WILLIE
Opening now?
UNKNOWN
No.
WILLIE
Well, you ought to outturn this wheel four times. That wheel don't work.
WILLIE
What do you mean, Jimmy? Let me break my back, Jimmy. You have to open it by hand. Well, why don't you say
WILLIE
so? Albert, come on and do this padlock. Can't. We lost the key. Well, how do you open the gate? You have to lift it off the hinges. Oh. Huh?
Willie walks towards the gate.
Willie talks to Albert.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Now, you go down to the
WILLIE
other one.
Albert runs off.
Willie and Jeremiah run through a garden.
UNKNOWN
Oh, the signal. Here, here, here, here,
WILLIE
here, here. Give me my tomatoes. Well, in fact, everything's down at a place like this. What do you think of
UNKNOWN
it?
WILLIE
Skew gardens? Here, here. I brought these up by hand. Yes, when they're coming down by foot. Oh, no, they're not.
A signal flag is raised.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Well, what did I get out of the dog?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
This is a distress signal, I think.
Jeremiah is looking out of the train window.
The clothesline is still across the tracks.
Jeremiah is still looking out of the train window.
A train approaches, emitting smoke.
Willie waves a flag frantically.
The train passes by.
Willie continues to wave the flag.
The TRAIN CONDUCTOR exits the train.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
What are you stopping my train for?
WILLIE
Well, I'm the new station master here.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Well, what about it?
WILLIE
Well, I thought I'd give you a chance of making my acquaintance. What?
UNKNOWN
Do
WILLIE
you think I want my train held up every time some dirty little hall changes its staff? Dirty little hall? Don't you talk like that about my station? Station, do you call it? It's a nice ordered dump, that's what it is. You don't think any decent train to stop here, do you? Ah, well, they're going to stop here. I'm not going to have my station ignored. Dirty little dump indeed. It seems it's your train anyway. Take your hands off my train. Well, you take your feet off my platform. Now listen, you're wasting me time. Go on away. Can't you move up a bit? No. Can't you move up a couple of yards? Oh, go away.
UNKNOWN
Well,
WILLIE
a couple of inches then. Get away with you. What's the trouble here? Yeah, what's all the noise about? Goodbye, Ben.
The train conductor and another man are talking to Willie.
The train emits smoke, blowing the clothes off the line.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Yeah, and nearly as dirty as when he took them off.
Albert exits the train, carrying a crate of ducks.
Ducks are in a crate.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Right away, Mike. Hey, wait a minute. Here. You can't tell him I don't wait like that. I'm the station master here. All aboard for Ballyhooley, Ballycarrie, Ballybubbion. Go ahead, Mike. Hey, stay where you are, Mike. You run along and play. When I'm ready. All aboard for Ballybuggles and all the other Ballyplaces. You don't even know where the train's going to. Why should I? When it leaves here, I'll wash my hands of it. All right, Mike, push off.
WILLIE
He goes when I tell him. Go ahead, Mike. I don't want any impregnance from you.
WILLIE
You big, sloppy-looking misfits. Why don't you get a proper hat?
UNKNOWN
What
WILLIE
do you mean, a proper hat?
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Your station smells like a backyard dustbin.
WILLIE
It isn't even on the map. Why, you guard you! Blackbeak! Fall-eyed! And you mind you stopping? You come here next time and there'll be trouble if you don't. Be back!
WILLIE
Not on the map, is
UNKNOWN
he? Oh,
WILLIE
sauce. Oh, well, maybe it could do with a coat of paint.
Willie looks around the station.
ALBERT
Hey, you knock those up. No, I made a mistake and got out of the wrong station.
WILLIE
Oh, well, that's all right,
ALBERT
then. Well, don't stand there. Go on. Shell some peas.
Willie and Albert are standing next to a sign that reads "BUGGLESKELLY"
WILLIE
It's my thinking another with the station master. What are you doing to the station? Putting it on the mat. Got this idea. All right, no answer.
Willie is kneeling on the ground, arranging white stones to spell out "BUGGLESKELLY"
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Our model. Eh?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
That's another way to spell it. There are two L's in Kelly. Count of that, 13 letters. Unlucky. Oh. Well, take one of the K's out. Nobody'll notice. Eh?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
You're wasting your time. What's that? You're wasting your time. What do you think you're doing there? Just watching you wasting your time. All right, well, you waste your time and I waste mine. What are you burying? I'm not burying anything. I'm planting lobelia. You're wasting your time. Why?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
You won't be here when they come up.
WILLIE
Hey, can't you get rid of him? Is he a relation of yours? No, but we both go out with the same girl. Oh, well, let's ignore him.
WILLIE
Here, you go and wait for the office in case my bell pass call comes through.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
You're wasting your time.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
All right, I'll buy it. What's the answer? There wasn't a breath of wind last night. Well, what's that going to do with me? Yet the sails of the windmill went round and round and round. Good day to you.
Jeremiah walks towards a chocolate vending machine.
WILLIE
Hey, what are you doing to that machine? Taking a bit of chocolate. What's the idea of kicking it? What do you think the slot's for? To blow down if the kick don't work. To blow down if the kick don't work? Here, I'll tell you
MR. MURPHY
something.
INT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - DAY
The telephone RINGS.
UNKNOWN
What? Telephone's ringing. Get out of here.
Willie picks up the phone.
WILLIE
Hello?
INT. BELFAST OFFICE - DAY
A WOMAN is speaking on the phone.
WOMAN ON PHONE
Belfast speaking. You wanted us. Who is that?
INT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - DAY
WILLIE
This is Buckles Kelly. What's that you said? Buckles Kelly.
WILLIE
B for basket? Eh? What? Who did? I did not. I said this is Bungles Kelly.
WOMAN ON PHONE
That's the name of my station. Oh, it's you again. Well, what is it this time?
WOMAN ON PHONE
All right, I'll put you through to Mr. Brock.
WOMAN ON PHONE
Mr. Brock.
INT. BELFAST OFFICE - DAY
MR. BROCK is sitting at his desk, speaking on the phone.
MR. BROCK
Yes?
WILLIE
Porter? Where? I'm not a railway porter. I'm Porter the Station Master. No, not both, only one. I'm Station Master Porter at Buggles on your railway. What the devil do you want now? I've already sent you 200 posters and 50 gallons of paint. What have I got down there, a circus?
INT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - DAY
WILLIE
Oh, you want to run an excursion. Where to? Well, I don't know yet, but there must be a lot of nice places in Ireland. I mean, there's Kilkenny, where the cats come from, and Connemara, where they have all the bogs. Then there's Limerick, the home of poetry. Limerick. You know, there was a young lady of Gloucester. How many tickets could you sell? What shall I say? Who's sweetheart double-crossed her. Who's sweetheart double-crossed her? What are you talking about? The young lady from Gloucester. She said... Listen, I'll kick that one tooth of yours out and leave you stark naked, you old fool. No, not you, no, no. Listen, how many people can we get to go to Connemara?
MR. MURPHY
Well, there's the
WILLIE
old party from the church. There's the church party. And the girl at the post office. And the post office staff. And my bird. And his bird. Listen, get out of it. Get out!
Willie pushes Jeremiah and Albert out of the way.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Well, I can't give you the exact number at the moment, but in rough figures, I should say quite a lot. Oh, I should think two carriages would be enough with what we've got. Oh, just one other little thing we shall want, an engine.
Willie hangs up the phone.
Willie walks towards Jeremiah and Albert.
EXT. BUGGLESKELLY STATION - DAY
Willie, Jeremiah, and Albert are sitting outside the station.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
What are you doing to the station?
WILLIE
Putting it on the map.
Albert points to Willie's nose.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Got this idea. All right, no answer.
Willie walks towards the chocolate machine.
Willie kicks the machine.
EXT. TRAIN YARD - DAY
Willie, Jeremiah, and Albert are walking through a train yard, looking at old train carriages.
WILLIE
Here you
WILLIE
are.
WILLIE
Well, all we've got to do is to get it up from amongst those trucks. That's right. What's right? All we've got to do is to get it up from amongst those trucks. Well, I just said that. I know, I heard you. Well, get your coach up and get to it. Come on.
WILLIE
We should need Gladstone. What are you talking about? Of course, you don't know who Gladstone is, do you? What do you mean, the man who made the bags? Gladstone's our engine. Well, why'd you tell me we've got an engine? He never asked us. Oh, come on, leave me to it. I'll bet you stay here in all those wheels. Haven't gone, I can. Well, get one out of the crew.
Willie, Jeremiah, and Albert walk towards an old train engine.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
There she is.
Albert and Jeremiah are trying to move the train engine.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Isn't she a beauty?
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
WILLIE and JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE are in the engine of a train. Willie is wearing a cap and overalls. Jeremiah Harbottle has a long white beard, wearing a cap and dark clothes.
WILLIE
What is it, the rocket? That's Gladstone. Lovely lines, ain't she?
Willie and Jeremiah Harbottle are outside the train. Willie is now wearing a white shirt and waistcoat.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Where does it go? How do you think it got here? I thought maybe that stalker brought it. Here, wait a minute. Let me go first. She knows me. What's all the decorations
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
for?
WILLIE
We leave for mappity. Blimey, you just heard of it. Well, where's the soft starter? Well, you can't start it till you get it on the boil. Well, come on, do something about it. Come on. All right.
WILLIE
Oh, good morning. Got a match? Yes.
Willie and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the engine. Willie is trying to light something.
A close up of a nest with an egg in it. Willie lights the nest on fire.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Now I'll start it. You
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
can't start it, it'll have hand
WILLIE
points to
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
80.
WILLIE
How do you get it to 80? You soak it. Where's the coal?
UNKNOWN
In the
WILLIE
scuttle. There's no coal there to boil an egg. It's been put in the tender. That's all right. You can't destroy these. They're company properties, destination boards. Look, Belfast, Tipperary, Dublin, Cheltenham. Oh, you can burn that one. I've hauled it, but I don't see how you're going to get the carriage out in the middle of those trucks. We're going to shun it out.
ALBERT, a young man in a striped shirt and cap, stands next to the train.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
No, what? Those trucks never would have been put there in the first place. Well, I know that, you old fool. The point is they've got to be shifted. Come on.
Willie, Jeremiah Harbottle, and Albert are kneeling on the tracks.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Now, look here. Look, there's the carriage there, you see? Now, turn out your pockets, Albert. Come on. That's right. Now, that'll be the line of trucks there.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
You
WILLIE
see? This is the side in here, isn't it? No, that's the station. You're on the wrong side. Get over here. Now, see,
WILLIE
where were we?
WILLIE
Now, there's Gladstone. These are the trucks, and that's the carriage. Now, the problem is to get it out. Well, if we had a crane, we could lift it out. If we had a crane, with some dynamite, we could blow it out. And you shut up, too.
WILLIE
Now, I'm Gladstone. No, I'm Gladstone. Well, we can't have two Gladstones. Here, you can be the rover carriage. If I can't be Gladstone, I'm not going to fly. That's the, uh... You've
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
got me all mixed up now. All
WILLIE
right, if you're too clever, you show us. Well, I say Gladstone's here. How can Gladstone be there? I'll tell you where Gladstone is. Let's go! Whoa!
The train starts moving. Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle run after it.
WILLIE
That's it. We've got to stop dancing too. Come on.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Go on, stop her! Albert will run on the sleepers! Albert, get ahead of it and head it off! Go on!
Willie runs on the tracks.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are at the train station. Willie is now wearing a station master's uniform.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Well, good morning, gentlemen. Just a little staff drill in case one of our engines ever got away. You'll be the new stationmaster, I'm thinking. I am, and... We represent the tradesmen of Buggles Kelly, and we want some trades.
Willie is talking to three men in hats.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Oh, trains. Oh, yes. Well, we've got plenty of them here. But it didn't have one of them stopped. What? You mean didn't stop? Why, will the trains stop here on Tuesday? Well, where do you want to go to? Just to the place as mentioned, on them tickets. What? All of them? No less. We've supplied goods to the value of them tickets.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
And you've either got to provide us with trains or give us our goods back.
WILLIE
Oh, that's absolute nonsense. We don't go to our customers and demand our journeys back. I hold on there. We'll hear what your head office has to say. Good day to you.
WILLIE
Oh, gentlemen, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't go. I didn't say I wouldn't do it. As a matter of fact, I'm making up a special now. I'm just waiting for the OK from Belfast.
WILLIE
Oh, excuse me, my engine.
WILLIE
Could you come back tonight? What? Here? At night? We will not. Oh. Well, I'm very busy just now. Where could I see you? You know Barney's Bar. I know Barney's Bull. Oh, Barney's Bar. Yes, of course, the local. Well, I can see you there. But just now, I've got some shunting to do, so if you don't mind, I'll shunt off.
Willie is talking to the men in hats. Jeremiah Harbottle is in the engine.
Albert is on the tracks waving a flag.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
There's a signal. Outside!
The train is moving.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Funny, how did
UNKNOWN
that
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
happen?
WILLIE
Do you know where you sent those fucks? Yes, down there. You've done it.
A shot of a cliff.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Well, we've got the carriage anyway. Yes, but if you want to keep it, you'd better get it off the main line. Why? Expect to be here any minute. Well, what are you waiting for? Go on!
WILLIE
Why didn't it start? Do something, force them to leave us.
Steam comes out of the train, covering Willie and Jeremiah Harbottle.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Now you've done it. You've got to let all the steam out. Well, we'll have it. We can always make some more when we want it. Yes, but we want it now. The carriage is still on the main line.
WILLIE
Don't stand in there. Get up and push.
Willie and Albert push the train. Jeremiah Harbottle gets out of the train.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Here, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I'm coming.
UNKNOWN
Here, half a
WILLIE
month,
UNKNOWN
half a month.
WILLIE
Here, wait a minute, wait a minute. Here, here, what day is it? It's our last if we don't get this thing shifted. It's the 19th. Here, see what it says here? On April the 19th, summertime will start. Clock should be adjusted accordingly. See, I think we've got last time. Yeah, that's quite correct.
WILLIE
Hey, that's addressed to me. Yeah, that's right. What's the idea of opening my letters? Well, I couldn't have told you it was wrong if I hadn't opened it. Well, if you should, you leave my letters alone, will you?
WILLIE
To adjust the service to the new time, the 11 o'clock express on this day will run at 12 o'clock summertime. Well, what are we hurrying about? We've got two hours. I can make out we've got two hours. Well, if we put the clocks back an hour and the train's an hour late, then it's two hours, isn't it? Well, you put the clocks forward and the train back. Well, what do we get then? We've got the express coming any minute. What are you talking about? Listen, if the train's an hour late, how can it be coming now? It's summertime. Summertime. The old fool's potty. Summertime or wintertime if a train's laid it's late. Yeah, that's right. I thought you'd put the clock forward. Well, if the clocks go forward, then the train's already gone. No, no, no, no, you put the clocks back. Of course you do. You lengthen the day by taking an hour off the end and sticking it on the beginning. No, no, you take an hour off the beginning and stick it on the end. That's wintertime. No, wintertime, you put them back. Well, that's what I said. No, you said you put it back for summertime. Yes, that's right. It ain't. You put the clocks forward if you make the train early. Oh, would you believe it? Listen, I know what I'm talking about. You don't put the clocks forward, you put them back. You put the train back. I see. You put everything back. Yes. I'm sorry. You all right? Well, of course I'm right. The train won't be here for another two hours.
WILLIE
That's awful. I said we should have put the clocks forward.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
A group of men are sitting around a table. One of them, MR. MURPHY, has a large beard, wearing a hat and dark clothes. He is drinking from a mug.
WILLIE
Hey,
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
what
WILLIE
are you doing?
UNKNOWN
A
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
trick. Fill them up again and I'll show you another.
WILLIE
I'll bet you would. Hey, what about the excursions? Only tickets? No. Oh, give me to you and sell some. Nobody wants to go to Connemara. That's because you haven't tried to sell them in the right way. All right, you have a go. Double one to
UNKNOWN
get.
WILLIE
It's been a nice day. It has that. It's one of those days when it would be nice to be at Connemara. It would, that. Do you know Connemara? Indeed I do. You have an uncle there. Oh, have you? Have a drink, will you? Thanks. I'll have a point of thought.
Willie is talking to a man with a pipe.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
This grand old place, Connemara. It is that. Pine salmon in the river. Yes. Grouse on the moors. And here on the hills. There's Miss Chief of the town. Here. Oh, your help. Thank you. Good help. So you've an uncle in Connemara? Well, I'm on an excursion there tomorrow. How would you like to pay your uncle a surprise visit? That wouldn't surprise him. Why not? Sure, he's in the cemetery.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
You're wasting your time!
WILLIE
You frozen-faced old... Oh, good evening, gentlemen.
WILLIE
Now, what about it? Oh, yes, yes. Well, gentlemen, I've been going into the matter with these tickets of yours, and I think I've got a solution. We don't want a solution. Have you got old trains? Yes. Well, in a way, perhaps not trains, but I've got a train. Well, gentlemen, I've arranged an excursion for you. And all you've got to do is to give me your old tickets, and I'll give you these new ones in exchange. An excursion, is it? And will it be after visiting all the places mentioned on our list? Oh, well, I couldn't guarantee that. You see, I've arranged the excursion to go to Connemara. Connemara? Where's that? What, Connemara? Well, it's, um... You go down the line and you take the first tunnel on the left. How about my ticket to Tipperary? Oh, it's a long way to Tipperary. Now, the reason I'm sending you to Connemara... It's my point about Connemara. It's Barry Bunyan who wants to be at. Well, perhaps I can arrange that later. Now, Connemara... Listen. If you come to my shop and ask for turnips, I give you turnips. I don't try to give you carrots. I'm asking for Tipperary, and it's Tipperary where I want to go. Don't get excited. Don't get excited. I mean, if you set your heart on Tipperary, well, that's I can arrange towards the excursion. Well, that sounds reasonable. Reasonable indeed. And me with a ticket for belly bunion. Well, I'm only trying to be. Kelly, did you not hear the gentleman say we were going to Tipperary? That's a blazes with your Tipperary and your Ballybunion. What am I going to do with my cock? We're going to Ballybunion. Ballybunion is the finest place in Ireland. What? You're not going to stand for that, are you? No, you're not. Ballybunion is the finest place in the world. And that's on your throat. Well, what are you going to say to that? Ballybunion. I'd sooner go to Connemara, and that's bad enough. What's that you're saying about the hometown Connemara? You keep out of this and mind your own business. He can't talk to you like that, can he? And neither can you. What is that of your beer? Would you mind stepping this way for a minute? I'd be delighted. Go on, flit on the tail of me coat. All right, knock that off.
WILLIE
And I come from Dublin.
UNKNOWN
Get down.
A man throws a dart at a dartboard. Mr. Murphy falls to the ground.
A fight breaks out in the bar.
Willie is standing in the dark.
WILLIE
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't... Sit down.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
I
WILLIE
was about to send to you, Mr. Porter. Take a drink. Oh, well, as a matter of fact, I... Take a drink.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Yes.
WILLIE
He has
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
long life to you, Mr.
WILLIE
Stationmaster.
WILLIE
Same to you, mister. I didn't catch your name. Call me Joe. Joe, yes.
WILLIE
What's this train you got running tomorrow? Oh, that? Oh, it's a little idea of my own. It's a special excursion, non-stop saloon. Going east or west? It's going both ways. East going and west coming back. It's going to Connemara. Connemara? The very place. How many ticks do you sold? Oh, let me see now.
WILLIE
Have you sold any? No. Right. I'll take the lot. What, the whole 200? Why, you must have a large family. Oh, no. It's a football team I'm taking. The Buggles Kelly Wednesday. The who? The Buggles Kelly Wednesday. We're playing a match. Well, on a Tuesday. How funny. Well, what about the money? What? Oh, it's just a little formality, that's all. I'll tell you when I come back. Win or lose. Win or lose. And I want that train at six o'clock in the morning. Oh, no, that's impossible. My excursion's not running till 10. Well, that's just too bad. The deal's off. Oh, don't say that. I'll see that it runs early for you. And how about the doings? That'll be all. And don't forget, six o'clock in the morning. Six o'clock, yes. Good night.
UNKNOWN
Good luck to the Thursday, Tuesday, the Wednesday.
WILLIE
Oh, my
UNKNOWN
God.
Willie is talking to Albert and Jeremiah Harbottle. Albert is holding Jeremiah Harbottle.
WILLIE
Hey, hey, come on, come on, what's all this? He's drunk and he's out. Oh, that's a nice thing. What do you do with my station trolley? He always brings it, that's how he gets home. Albert pushes him. Oh, does he? Who's gonna push him tonight? It looks like you are.
UNKNOWN
Pop.
Willie is in the station office. Albert and Jeremiah Harbottle are asleep on the floor.
WILLIE
Hey, Albert. Albert, get up. Get up. You've got to help me get this train away. Hey.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Is it right what Pat tells me? You're starting the
WILLIE
train now. Of course it's right. Go on, hurry up. The passengers will be here any minute.
EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are at the train station. Willie is in his station master uniform. Albert is in his striped shirt and cap. Jeremiah Harbottle is in his dark clothes and cap.
WILLIE
Get a move on. Get into your cab. Ah, good morning, gentlemen. Morning. Tickets, please. Morning. Tickets, please. Good morning. Tickets, please. Good morning, sir. Tickets, please. Good morning. Oh, good morning, sir. Tickets, please. Thank you. All aboard for fast, non-stop special express. Dining, car, saloon, train to Collymour. All aboard. Tickets, please. Oh, I've got... Hey, what's that? You can't take long as bad on an excursion. Oh, those are the gold posts. We all must take our own. Oh, I see. Oh, that's all right. Say, what's in that? Oh, those are lemons for half time. Oh, I see.
WILLIE
You won't put that on the rack, will you? All ready? Sure. Hey, you, come here.
Willie is sitting on a bench, clipping tickets.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
What are we waiting for? Have you got to do all that? Oh, yes, very important. Still, if you don't know how they, perhaps you wouldn't mind taking them and clipping them on the way. Thank you.
Willie falls to the ground.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Hello, Blackham. This is Buckles Kelly reporting excursion away. What excursion? There's nothing under my schedule for four hours. I don't care about your schedule. Expect my excursion any minute.
Willie is in the station office. Albert and Jeremiah Harbottle are asleep on the floor. Willie tries to wake them up.
WILLIE
Hey, hey, come on, get up! Get out of it! Come on! Get
UNKNOWN
up!
WILLIE
They're lying in bed at this time!
WILLIE
Get up! What do you think it is, a rest home? What's the idea? I'll show you what the idea is. Think I want to run this station by myself? Look at this block, look it! What a nice state of affairs, sleeping till this hour. Come on, get up.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Come
WILLIE
on.
WILLIE
Now, day don't start till 8 o'clock. Your day starts where mine starts. Your, your hours have got to conform to the prescriptive, the... You've got to get up and I tell you.
WILLIE
Here. What are you doing? What are you doing? It looks like I'm doing anything around here. I've just had to go and get that train off by myself. Huh? What train? Here. What train? Well, the train's just gone out. There's been no train out of here since last Tuesday. You should be saying I don't know what I'm talking about. Well, I'm saying it now. I never heard no train go out. Or me. Well, you weren't in a fit condition to hear anything, either of you.
WILLIE
I'll attend to that.
WILLIE
Hello, station master Buckles Kelly speaking. What's this special train that you say has just left your place? It has not. It left here at six o'clock. I know, it was six because I looked at our clocks. Are you sure you haven't seen it? Oh, well, maybe it's had a puncture or something. What do you mean, am I sure it left? Of course I am, I saw it off myself. Don't you talk to me like that.
WILLIE
You let me tell you that it... Hello, hello.
WILLIE
Oh.
UNKNOWN
Hmm.
WILLIE
Yeah, it's funny. Bracken Junction says the train hasn't come through yet. Course it hasn't. There never was any train. Hey, do you think I don't know a train when I see one? I see some funny things after a night at Barney's Bar. I suppose you didn't think you saw any passengers on this train you think you saw? Of course I did. They were the whole of the Buggles-Killy-Rensley football team. They're gonna play a cup tie. There's only one football team here, the Swifts, and they won't go without me. Why not? I'm their centre-forward. Listen, will you do me a favor? Well, tomorrow, just before the express comes, go to sleep on the rails. If it's one of your trains, it won't hurt him. So you still don't believe me? Well, listen, I clicked all the tickets, and the clippings will be on the platform now. I'll go and get them to prove it to
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
you.
WILLIE
Hello? Look here. I've held the down express for four minutes. Has that special trade of yours come back, or what's happened to it?
WILLIE
He's holding up the express. What shall I tell him? Tell him they let it through.
WILLIE
You tell him.
WILLIE
Hello, is that Bracken? That's the expert's room. I heard the excursion isn't leaving until 10 o'clock.
UNKNOWN
I
WILLIE
heard the old man. Oh, he had a thick night. Been seeing things. Yeah. OK, sits us.
WILLIE
He says he's going to report
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
him.
WILLIE
Poor old governor. Yeah, he's going like the others. There'll be another clock here soon. Yeah.
WILLIE
We'd better humor him.
WILLIE
The clippings are not there now. Of course they're not. What do you mean, of course they're not? They were there. Of course they were. Well, the wind must have blown them away. Of course it must. What's the matter with you two? Do you think I'm balmy? Of course we don't. Now understand this. I clipped those tickets, the train left at 6 o'clock and I saw it off. And don't say of course you did. Then where is it now? Between Hill and Bracken. I will soon know. Why? Well, go on now, but you tell him. Well, it's like this. If you had a drain and a rabbit went down it, and you weren't sure the rabbit went down it or not, what would you do? Same for the plumber. What's this got to do with my train? Well, come into that, you bung a ferret in. A what? A ferret. What, in my train? Yes, in the drain. If it comes out the other end with blood on its nose, you know that... You know that somebody's punched it. That's what's going to happen to you.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
No,
WILLIE
you know that the
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
rabbit's
WILLIE
there. And
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
if it comes out the other end
WILLIE
with no blood on its nose, well, then you know that the rabbit isn't there. I understand what you two are talking about. What rabbit is this? An allegorical rabbit. A what? Allegorical rabbit. I don't care if it's an Austin rabbit. What's it got to do with my train? Because your train's a rabbit. Well, where's the parrot? For down expressing it a bear any minute, he let it through. What? You let the express through with my expression? Listen, my lad, if there's any blood on my train's nose,
WILLIE
You see any blood? Tap and drop.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the station office. Willie is talking to a man with a bandage on his head.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Now you tell them. They don't believe me. Oh, tell them about the football team. Did they or did they not leave here this morning? What football team? Well, the one the man bought the tickets for. What man?
WILLIE
Well, that's my private room. But
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
there's nobody in there.
WILLIE
Nobody? What's the matter with everybody? Listen, you know very well... No, I can see that you don't. Listen, actually, I went in there and we fixed up about sending away the Buggles Curry Wednesday. I suppose you could tell the next there's no such team. I never heard of it. But they went away on my excursion to Connie Mara. You remember me trying to sell the gifts for Connie Mara. I do not. Was anybody here last night?
WILLIE
I can see you were. You must have seen me. But I was busy with two other fellows.
Willie is talking to a man behind the bar. A woman is in the background.
WILLIE
He'll admit there was a fight here. Well, there was a bit of an argument. Yeah, well, it was then I went in the back room and met this man. He got one eye. One eye? Yes. Did he say who he was? No, but he told me to call in Joe.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Glory be. One eye, Joe, the miller. Well, I don't know what his trade was, but that's the man who went with the party on the train this morning. The train? He seen that too? Well, of course I have. I waved it out. Why, what's the matter? Seen the miller? You're no company for the likes of us.
WILLIE
What's the idea of all
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
this?
WILLIE
The milk wheel turns, though the night is still, he haunts the station, he haunts the hill, and the land that lies between. Oh, he's a house agent, is he? Well, I want his name and address.
UNKNOWN
He
WILLIE
was took my train 10 years ago. Yes, well, he was took to my train this morning and I won the next to the nation. No, like a good man, don't be talking about such things in this house. No, let sleeping ghosts alive. Listen, I'll stand for ghosts with their heads tucked under their arms, but he's had goalposts. All I know is somebody's bothered to train for me and I'm going to find out what he's done with it. Come on. No, we're not coming. They're opening half an hour. Help!
WILLIE
I know, I'm wasting me time.
INT. STATION OFFICE - DAY
Willie is on the phone. MR. BROCK, a bald man in a suit, is on the phone at his desk.
WILLIE
Hello? What's the matter with your station? Doesn't anyone answer the phone? I'm sorry, I've just been to the local, the local signal box. Where's this excursion? Why, haven't you seen it? No, and nobody has. Oh, well, that's funny, isn't it? There's nothing funny about it. Are you dead certain you sent it off? Well, are you dead certain you sent it to me? Of course I am. Well, I'm dead certain I sent it off. Then where the blazes is it? I don't know. Who had it last? What are you babbling about, man? The train was sent to you and it hasn't been heard of since. Well, I can't understand it. Are you sure your driver knows the way? There hasn't been an accident, has there? Not according to my ferret.
WILLIE
Hello? Just a moment, please. This is Bracken. Where is your train? Have you or have you not sent that excursion off? Yes. Well, where is it? Well, we've missed it for the moment. Excuse me. It went off at 6 o'clock. When? What? It was scheduled for 10 o'clock. Is that a different one to the 10 o'clock one? No. Are you contradicting me? No, not you. You. Yes? No. What do you mean by changing those schedules? It's shooting my customers better. Customers? What customers? I'm not talking to you. Will you pull yourself together, man? I am together. Well, where is it?
WILLIE
Get off the line, ring off. Ring off? Do you know who you're talking to? Yes, I'm talking to him. I'll report this to Brock at head office. Oh, yes, well, you're too late. I'm talking to the old fool now. What old fool? What are you gibbering about? I can't hold up the whole service. Can I stick me signals off? Yes, if it'll give you any pleasure. Let me tell you something else, too. I'm going to ring off. Oh, are you?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Well, let me tell you something. You can pack up your
WILLIE
things and go back to England. And if you're not out of that station by tonight... Tonight? Why, take me all day to pack. What's the hurry? You're fired. Fired? Yes.
WILLIE
Oh.
WILLIE
Well, I've been thrown out of better stations than this.
Willie is packing his belongings. Albert and Jeremiah Harbottle are with him.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Hey, what you packing for? I'm leaving. What, tonight? Have you told the head office? They told me.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
What's the matter?
WILLIE
He's got the push. Poor old guy. Hey, you can't go like this. Have a bit of bacon. No, I wouldn't deprive you of it. He won't keep much longer. No, thanks. I thought you wouldn't stay with us very long. He never did like Station Master. Who? One-eyed Joe the Miller. Listen, I've had enough of him.
WILLIE
Remember, that's such a lot of rubbish. It ain't rubbish. Every night when the moon gives light, the Miller's ghost is seen. He walks the track with a sack on his back. And his ear all painted green, I know. He haunts the
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
tunnel. He haunts
WILLIE
the hill and the
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
land that lies
WILLIE
between. Ah, it's all me eye. Here,
WILLIE
I'll give you this.
WILLIE
It's a tunnel. There's no tunnel on our line. Oh, not on the new line. But on the old loop line, there's one. Loop line? Well, first I heard of a loop line. He runs through Pookahill. Tank use now. Through Pookahill? Where does he lead you? Across the border. Border? Loop line? Tun... I've got it! Go on! Where are we going? Find my train!
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train engine. Willie is holding a lantern.
WILLIE
Are there any more arguments? We're going. I shouldn't. Besides, we might overwork Radson. She was out yesterday, you know. I warned you. It's haunted. Oh, shut up. Come on. Let's have a look at the map, Albert. Here. Hold that, Jerry. Now, there's Pruger Hill, and there's the mill on the top. Here's Buggles Kelly, and there's the line that runs the Bracken Junction. There's where the line crosses the border, and there's the border. Now, here's where the old line branches out here. That's right. And one-eyed Joe was killed right there.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Banshee! Banshee. It's Radson on the boil. Come on.
WILLIE
Whoa! What's he say? He said, whoa. I thought he said, Joe.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are on the tracks. Willie is looking for something.
WILLIE
This is the branch line, all right. Now, where's the point lever?
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Be quiet. Shh! I've got it. Yeah, I've got it first. Oh, look, look, fresh oil. Hello.
WILLIE
Ah, take a look at that. What does that prove?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
There's been a cattle show.
WILLIE
Cattle show? That's a football favour. Well, it shows we're on the right track anyway. Well, we'll see where it leads us. Go
UNKNOWN
on. Right.
UNKNOWN
Look, there's
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train engine. They see a tunnel.
WILLIE
the tunnel.
WILLIE
Well, there's something across it. I told you, they don't use it. He pulled it up. Oh. Well, slow down. You'll hit it. Right. Slow down. Put your brakes on. Right. Brake! Brake! Brake!
UNKNOWN
Broke.
WILLIE
Now see
UNKNOWN
what you've done.
WILLIE
Why don't you stop it when I told you to? When I asked of. Well, you couldn't have yourself with that thing, Rick.
WILLIE
Look, there it is. My excursion. Now who's potty?
WILLIE
Well, I wonder where everybody is. Ah, that's they're playing football. Now, who plays football in the dark? Night school. Don't be silly. They haven't even unpacked the goalpost. Now we've found the train, let's go back. Well, after them messing me about, piecing my train, leaving it lie about in a strange tunnel, not me. Besides, they haven't even paid for the tickets.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train engine. They are looking for the football team.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Hey.
WILLIE
Look, my tickets. They haven't even clipped them. Some more over there.
WILLIE
Blimey, they chucked him away. Oh, what a nerve.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the tunnel.
WILLIE
Hey, follow me. Now, I'm not going in there. Oh, yes, you are. You're going to do as you're told, and you too. It's not my business to poke me loads in other people's tunnels. That's right. You mean you say you're going to let me go in there alone to face whatever there is to face? Yes. All right. I'll get inside.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
It's all right, I'm behind you.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Would you like to come in front?
WILLIE
No, I can see fine from here.
WILLIE
What was that?
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Voices.
WILLIE
Must be somebody there.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
No.
WILLIE
Yes.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
What's that growling?
WILLIE
My stomach. Oh, keep it quiet.
WILLIE
Hey. Guns. Funny that state of a football match. They're not footballers. They're gun runners.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in a dark room. They see guns.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Come on, boys, get that lot down. Oh, what's your hurry? No one's gonna find it here. Oh, if we're not over the border before sunrise, we'll all be finding ourselves in the jail. Go on, get that lot down, boy. Get the other one down from upstairs. Come on, Mickey, what's the matter with you? Can't you get
UNKNOWN
that...
WILLIE
Come on, hurry up.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
We're gonna be here all night or what?
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in a dark room. They see a windmill.
WILLIE
This is a funny-looking place, isn't it? Cracky, we're in One Eye Joe's Cock-Eyed Mill. Oh, dear. Hey, quick, behind this.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
If
WILLIE
we go to the left. If we go to the right, we'll be wrong. It's the left.
UNKNOWN
It's
WILLIE
the left? No, it's the left. Of course it's the left. I go to the right. Listen,
UNKNOWN
if
WILLIE
we go to the left, we turn round and get to the other road. Good evening. If we go to the right...
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are hiding behind some sacks. They see the gun runners.
WILLIE
All of you.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
What are you doing here? Oh, you dropped a ticket. Don't you start anything. Three of us. How do? One.
WILLIE
Follow me.
WILLIE
Come
UNKNOWN
here.
WILLIE
Come on downstairs. And hurry.
WILLIE
Bullshit!
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are locked in a room. They try to break down the door.
UNKNOWN
Let's
WILLIE
break the door. We can't get out. They can't get in. It's all coming up. Open it yourself.
WILLIE
They're not here. They must have got out some other way. Let's get back to the frame.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the room. The gun runners are gone.
UNKNOWN
It's
WILLIE
Hey, hey, what's the matter? I thought you were gone. The trouble with you is you think too much. Tie him up. Tie him up, you can't do that. I'm a busy subject.
UNKNOWN
What
WILLIE
are you going to do? You'll know soon enough. You can't do that, I said. Yeah? And who's going to stop us?
Jeremiah Harbottle is covered in flour.
WILLIE
Flory B,
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
the ghost.
UNKNOWN
The
WILLIE
Phantom Miller.
WILLIE
What are you,
UNKNOWN
Joe?
WILLIE
That's not a ghost.
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the dark room. They see the gun runners escaping through a trapdoor.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Daylight's here, Grogan. All right. They can't get away. We'll get them when we come back. Flip that boat!
Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are at the top of the windmill. The ladder is gone.
WILLIE
They've taken the ladder away. Now what are we going to do? We can't get down.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
We can tie a bit of rope to that rope and slide down. That hook wouldn't bear our weight. We'd
WILLIE
have to tie it this tight to that beam. That goes round when the wind blows, wind us up again. Never mind. It's a good idea. We can try it. Go on, give us a rope. Oh, we haven't got a rope.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Well, what are we
WILLIE
arguing about then?
UNKNOWN
What
WILLIE
was that? I don't know.
The windmill starts to turn.
A shot of the windmill turning.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
You touching something? No, I'm holding on. Come in, we lost you, lady. I shall be sick in a minute. Haven't we got enough trouble? He's got sticky fingers in your ears and can't up to a hundred.
WILLIE
Hey, what's this? Oh, look.
WILLIE
Oh, the,
WILLIE
the, the, the, uh, preparer. Now, all we're going to do is to pull up one of these, uh, sails and make it to the bottom drop off. Anything going on? Well, something's holding it. Must be a break somewhere.
WILLIE
Ah, perhaps this is it.
UNKNOWN
Can
WILLIE
he stop? Yes. Well, there you are. We've got it under perfect control. Come on, Harvotten. Yes, what is it? We're going down on the windmill sails. Come on, you're first. What, right down there? No, no, go along this horizontal sail. Which? Well, this one, point to three o'clock. We'll lower you down. Then when you get to six o'clock, you can drop off. You understand? Yes, six o'clock. What time is it now? No, no, six o'clock at the bottom. All right.
WILLIE
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. Come on, come on.
WILLIE
You all right? Can I along here? Yes, go on.
WILLIE
Oh, it's a long way down. Never mind, you'll soon be there. Yes, that's what I'm afraid of.
WILLIE
You all right? Oh, dear, oh, dear. Just a minute.
WILLIE
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
WILLIE
I'm back again.
WILLIE
Hurry up.
WILLIE
Are you nearly there? Nearly.
WILLIE
I'm ready.
WILLIE
She's
UNKNOWN
ready.
WILLIE
All right, you don't take more, do it. Stop with the engine.
WILLIE
Oh, dear. The blood's running to me act.
UNKNOWN
Bending.
UNKNOWN
Hey?
WILLIE
Bending. Well, look at the weight on it. Can't you float a little? Go on.
WILLIE
I think I ought to go to the end. Yes, but don't go past the end.
UNKNOWN
All right, I'm ready.
WILLIE
You all right down there? Up up here. What
UNKNOWN
are
WILLIE
you doing up there? Up 12 o'clock. Well, why don't you try? You'll spoil everything. Come on, give it a damn.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
You'll have to climb out on the other way.
WILLIE
I can't. I can't think of the steamer. Oh, yes, you can. I'm balancing him. You climb out on the other one and you'll bring him down. Oh, all right. Hold on.
UNKNOWN
Hurry
WILLIE
up. I'm cold up here.
WILLIE
Go on. I know what
UNKNOWN
I'm doing.
WILLIE
Hurry up. We're hurrying up.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
I can't hold on that younger.
WILLIE
I'm coming as fast as I can.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE
Hurry up.
The windmill turns. Willie, Albert, and Jeremiah Harbottle are on the sails.
WILLIE
I can't hold up back
EXT. WINDMILL - DAY
WILLIE is clinging precariously to the sail of a windmill. He struggles to hold on as the windmill rotates. He is silhouetted against the sky.
WILLIE
longer. I can't stay up
The windmill continues to turn. WILLIE is upside down.
WILLIE
here all day for the picking.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Stop someone, Bobby. When are you going to get off?
The windmill spins. Willie is still clinging to it.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
I'm slipping!
WILLIE
Oh, shut up! I'm going to be sick!
WILLIE
I'm going! I'm going!
Willie falls into a haystack. Another MAN IN A CAP AND OVERALLS is already in the haystack.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
All right, down!
The man in the haystack looks up at Willie.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
We need a good job of fodder the hay carp. Yes, well, you might have thought of taking the fork out, too.
UNKNOWN
Here, look.
INT. TUNNEL - NIGHT
Willie and the other man are in the tunnel, on the tracks. Willie is wearing a train conductor's uniform. They are pushing a small train engine.
WILLIE
Now, let's get away. What, without my train? Not likely. We'll come and glance into it.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
There's an engine on the other end.
WILLIE
I'll attend to that.
WILLIE
All right, Mike, on time. We're almost ready. Now, you start when I tell you. You'll go and drive until I tell you to stop. You understand? You think you'll get away with this? I hope so, for your sake. Hurry up. Jump to it. Get moving. No funny business.
Willie is now in the cab of the engine, talking to the TRAIN CONDUCTOR. The other man is also in the cab.
Other men are trying to get into the train carriage.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Right away. Start, fellow.
A man looks out of the train window.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Take down them. If we don't keep moving, they'll do what? We'll get up on the carriage loop. Do what? Get up there. Don't argue. Take this with you. If any of them stick their
UNKNOWN
heads up,
Willie climbs on top of the train.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
slough
INSERT - SIGN: "BEWARE OF TRAINS"
WILLIE
them. What about that station mark? We collect them on the way back. We're none too soon as it appears. Hey, what's this? We're going the wrong way.
A man looks out of the train window again.
Willie is on top of the train, holding a shovel.
The Train Conductor and another man are in the cab.
INSERT - SIGN: "SPEED NOT TO EXCEED 10 MILES PER HOUR"
INSERT - PRESSURE GAUGE: "S.R.N.I."
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Hey, look! Under bars are now. Let me see who can do
WILLIE
it. That's the pressure gauge. I know. I was dragging
UNKNOWN
the speed by the telegraph pole.
WILLIE
Don't touch anything.
UNKNOWN
We're coming
WILLIE
to Douglas Kelly in a minute. Never mind. Keep going. I
UNKNOWN
can't
WILLIE
get
UNKNOWN
a
WILLIE
touch. Tell me now. If we keep going, they can't get out.
WILLIE
We're home.
Willie is on top of the train. He looks down into the train.
A man in a top hat is in the train cab.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Douglas Kelly.
Willie throws some sacks into the train cab.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Are they cold? No, no, they're lying. Well, they're lying
UNKNOWN
in anyway.
WILLIE
Here, here, don't take it,
UNKNOWN
Mr.
WILLIE
Cole. We can run out and get on like that.
The train enters a tunnel.
UNKNOWN
Oh, shut
UNKNOWN
up. Ah!
Willie is on top of the train, holding a shovel.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
We're
WILLIE
getting there!
The train conductor looks out of the train cab.
The man in the top hat looks out of the train.
The train conductor looks worried.
The train conductor is holding a shovel.
The train conductor looks worried.
Willie is on top of the train, shoveling coal.
The man in the top hat is in the train carriage.
The train conductor and the man in the top hat are in the train cab.
UNKNOWN
Hey!
A small object falls from the train.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
Hey! Hey! What's the matter? You're making
Willie is on top of the train, shoveling coal.
The train conductor looks at Willie.
WILLIE
all the steam out! Who is? You are! Look, he's got enough to boil! Where is it?
UNKNOWN
You tell me that! Hey!
The man in the top hat looks out of the train cab.
The train is moving fast.
INSERT - SIGN: "WHISTLE"
The train conductor blows a whistle.
WILLIE
Use your gun. I can't get the gun. Give me your rifle. We haven't got
Men are struggling inside the train carriage.
Willie is on top of the train, shoveling coal.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
any ammunition. Keep it, please.
Willie looks into the train cab.
WILLIE
Whoa!
Men are struggling inside the train carriage.
UNKNOWN
Whoa! Whoa! Okay. What is
Willie is on top of the train, shoveling coal.
A man is in a signal box, looking out of the window.
WILLIE
it? Don't look down, but there's another
The man in the top hat looks out of the train cab.
UNKNOWN
train coming. Oh! Hey!
The train conductor and the man in the top hat look worried.
The train is moving on the tracks.
JEREMIAH HARBOTTLE is in the train cab with the train conductor. Jeremiah has a long white beard.
WILLIE
Oh, it's fixed.
UNKNOWN
We can't
WILLIE
walk forever. This is the last bit of car we've got left.
WILLIE
Here, here, here. You can't burn, lads. No, if we don't get any help too, you'll go any next. That might as well go to the scout. Well, how do we get them? Well, when they're seeing they want help, they put a message in a bottle and she'll get overboard. Yeah, put it in that bottle. Yes, lads, it's my mention. Oh, come on, come on. No waste time. They'll
UNKNOWN
chuck
WILLIE
it away. Ah. Here, here. That's my mention. I'm as ill as you are. I'm going to want a couple of trains on the
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
engine.
WILLIE
How are you going
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
to
WILLIE
do it? Give us
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
your hat. Here. Now, you stick it out that
Men are struggling inside the train carriage.
Willie is on top of the train, shoveling coal.
UNKNOWN
side
UNKNOWN
when I
A hat flies off the train.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
get out of this.
A man looks out of the train window.
A man in a top hat is in the train carriage.
WILLIE
There's a bottle.
UNKNOWN
Give
WILLIE
it to me.
The train conductor and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train cab. The train conductor is holding a bottle.
A man in a top hat is in the train carriage.
The train is in a dark tunnel.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
No, not there, you fool. We're in the
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
tunnel. Where's Cole? I'm
Men are struggling inside the train carriage.
UNKNOWN
in
WILLIE
the
WILLIE
danger.
The train conductor and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train cab. The train conductor has soot on his face.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
It's not Cole. It's your
A man looks out of the train window.
Willie looks out of the train cab, his face covered in soot.
WILLIE (CONT'D)
pants. It's going to a
UNKNOWN
station. I'm going to throw it.
INT. STATION MASTER'S OFFICE - DAY
The station master's office is visible through a window. The TRAIN CONDUCTOR is at a desk, eating. He has soot on his face.
The train conductor is holding a piece of paper.
INSERT - NOTE: "Have got gun-runners aboard stop what shall we do stop will escape if we stop stop Porter, Stationmaster (Retired) P.S. Tell a policeman."
WILLIE
Calling Belfast, Argent. Calling Belfast.
INT. TRAIN CAB - DAY
The train conductor is in the train cab, looking out of the window. He has soot on his face.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Belfast, standing by. Go ahead, please.
The train conductor looks out of the window.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR (CONT'D)
Station, stand by for all the schedule.
The train conductor looks at the man in the top hat.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR (CONT'D)
Stand by for all the schedule. Stand by for all the schedule.
The man in the top hat looks out of the window.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR (CONT'D)
Side track 24, good.
WILLIE
Side track 24, good. Right.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Pole 16, express. Pole 16, express. Right.
WILLIE
Diverge on the way to West Yard.
The train is moving.
UNKNOWN
All cars proceed to West Yard Terminus. All
The train conductor is in the train cab.
UNKNOWN (CONT'D)
cars proceed to West Yard Terminus. All cars proceed to West Yard Terminus.
The train is moving on the tracks.
The train conductor is in the train cab.
The train conductor looks at the man in the top hat.
The train conductor looks at the man in the top hat.
The train conductor looks at the man in the top hat.
A man is in a signal box, looking out of the window.
The train is moving.
Willie is on top of the train.
The train conductor and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train cab. They both have soot on their faces.
The train is moving on the tracks.
The train is moving.
The train conductor and Jeremiah Harbottle are in the train cab.
The train pulls into a station. People are on the platform.
WILLIE
They're all in there. Well, Drogon, we've got you
Steam comes out of the train.
Willie is on top of the train, holding a suitcase.
UNKNOWN
at last.
Men are being pulled out of the train carriage.
WILLIE
Congratulations. Good, thank you. Good busy work. Thank you. All in
Willie, Jeremiah Harbottle, and the train conductor are on the platform. Willie and the train conductor shake hands with a man in a suit and bowler hat.
SUPERINTENDENT
a day's work. I'll see that you get recognition in the proper quarters.
WILLIE
Oh, don't thank me. Grand old engine, Matt. Ninety years old. Yes, and good for another night.
Steam billows around the men.
The men are still on the platform.
The screen fades to black.
TITLE CARD: "THE END Oh, Mr. Porter!"
Oh, Mr. Porter! via Internet Archive